The Holy Book of Obama

Wed, 09/10/2008 - 3:37pm
By: Richard Hobbs

According to the Holy Book of Obama

Book of the Ascent to History

Chapter 7

The Media has turned.
7: 1 As Obama began to spread his word throughout the land, a Messenger arrived by the name of the Internet. The Messenger continually reminded the world that an evil had arisen throughout the land. This evil roamed about the land, walking about in the form of a Pit Bull, cutting and slashing Ear Marks wherever it laid it's eyes. It's gaze was fierce, penetrating into the soul of the big spenders who voted for bridges that went to nowhere. Their fear of this menace was magnified by the deep blood red and fiery lips that howled to the crowds, that change was certainly coming, and it wouldn't look pretty when she was done.

7:2 Spender's cried "foul," and begged for our Savior to speak. For only through the words of our Savior, can the light shine down upon this world. Obama stood before the ignorant masses, chiding them to worry not, for He was with them. He reminded them, that the Big "O" had foretold of his "One"ness, and that He was the "One" that we had all been waiting for.

7:3 The hush grew among the crowds, and they listened again for the words that might spew forth from their Messiah, which might stab the Pit Bull and render it asunder. "Help us, Oh, Obama, for we are in need of government programs and aid, for we can not do for ourselves. We need the government to take from the greedy and use that money to build sport's arenas, peace museums, and proverbial bridges that lead us to where we care not go."

7:4 Obama chided his disciples, "Fear not, for the Media and I, art with thee." The crowd grew silent and waited for His truth to ring through to their hearts of adoration. "We are the agent of change," He said, "and I fear not the rage of the pit bull, for she art but a swine dressed as a pit bull." Laughter sprang forth, for the masses knew of what He spoke. For they knew that the pit bull is but a swine, a slovenly deranged woman, who cares not for her children, who refuses to kill her own abnormal piglet, and who is from a far and desolate land in the cold far north. Obama's laughter rang from ear to ear, and they knew, that He had indeed slewed the beast from afar, and that all that was needed was for the disciples in the Media to spread the news of her demise.

7:5 But protestations began to grow. Naysayers and pundits began to blog, and blog fervently did they opine about the Messiah's words. "Say not that Thou woulds't call the Pit Bull with lips of fire a swine?" Obama stumbled back and wondered, "How could I be questioned about My words? For are thou not with Me?" The Media fell back and cried, "Oh Obama, did Thou not sayeth these words?" Obama grumbled, "Thou knoweth that I did." The bloggers then shouted from afar, "and did You not hear the laughter of Your disciples as You called her a swine?" Obama replied, "Of course, my disciples did hear Me correctly, . . . what be thy point? For this is but phony outrage. Art thou now the naysayers called 'swift boaters'?" . . . Then silence fell over the land. For the first time, the "swift boat" curse fell upon deaf ears, and His chorus of journalists did not follow suit.

7:6 The Messiah reminded his Media minions, that they had been chosen for this duty because of their loyalty. He had proven His worth by His Words, played to music for all to hear with "Will I Am" upon Youtube and that His words did cause them to tingle. They had proven themselves worthy, even when the Bride of the Messiah, did show her complete Disdain for the Kingdom, . . .for she was not proud. So how could they question their Messiah now, when He but calls the Pit Bull a swine?

7:7 This did not appease the bloggers, and neither did it appease the other pit bulls, many of whom are worshippers of Obama. Then again the blogosphere opened it's blogs and prodded Obama to answer to the charges that He had made such a pronouncement mere days after all of the internet had highlighted exactly upon the words of the pit bull and her lips of fire. "How could You not know of what and how Your immortal words could be understood?" they asked. Obama fired back, "Phony Outrage!, bring Me My disciples!" So He called forth Matthews and Olbermann from the world of MSNBC, a country from far to the left of the Righteous Mountains of Truth. These mortals have faithfully interpreted Obama's words so wonderfully and with nuisance, --especially when Obama spoke from without a prompter of his written word.

7:8 But then nothing happened. Time seemed to stand still. No tingling feeling came up their spines, for they knew that their Messiah had again been attacked and they could not understand why He would have said such things. True, His words were not written for Him such as to allow Him to read their words, but again, these were words that came from His lips, His words, His thoughts, His judgment chose these words, but why? For why would He say such a thing if not to smite the Pit Bull? For why would He do so without the foreknowledge that His sword would be broken upon the harsh ground of context. Instead, they shied away, grumbling that neither did they know why He would say such words, or even why He would attack the Pit Bull, when the "Anti-Obama McCain" was His true enemy. Instead, they chided the Media to ignore such politics of negativity, and prayed that these words would not resonate with the world.

7:9 And yea, thou the Media continued to swirl about the Messiah waiting for His spoken word, the luster and glow of His face, the Halo about His head, the command of His voice began to lose it's effect. And they did open their eyes and proclaimed, what have we been doing these last months in recording our Messiah's orders? Can it be that He is not the "One?"

7:10 And so it had begun, the date when the Pit Bull with fiery lips from the North Slopes, did open the eyes of the Media, and began a new Campaign toward His own demise.

7:11 For as it is written, He who hails to be the King, even in dire times and financial hardships of the people, must first be able to withstand the weapons of truth that fight their way through the filters of the Media, for the people are still looking and yearning for authenticity and character.

7:12 Then a voice from the gipper of old rang out, "Our government has no power except that which is given to it by its people. But if no one among us, is capable of governing himself, then who among us, has the capacity to govern someone else? It is time for us to realize that we are not a Nation which should limit ourselves to small dreams. Can we solve the problems that confront us? I can emphatically say, "Yes, we can!"

7:13 And the days were then counted until the 2nd Tuesday after the 1st Monday of the 11th Month, in which the masses opened their eyes, and saw the truth. They were revived, and not a moment too late. And the invigorated peoples of the Kingdom, did yearn to go and to cast their voices with the Pit Bull with Fiery Lips and the silent hero, called McCain.


login to post comments | previous forum topic | next forum topic

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
mudcat's picture
Submitted by mudcat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:06pm.

Please write more and possibly regularly for The Citizen. You remind me a little of those fictional Peachtree City residents that wrote about themselves 5 or 6 years ago.

They had funny names and I always thought they were written by Steve Brown - until I met him and discovered ... well never mind.

Nevertheless, keep writing. You are good.

DragNet's picture
Submitted by DragNet on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:51pm.

Gosh! I am sending this to the editor of MAD magazine. This Hobbes guy should be working at the side of those such talented writers!!!

Making you think twice......

Submitted by wheeljc on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 3:38pm.

What talent!!! Would be great to see books on Pelosi, Reid, Hillary and Slick Willie ..........but, again, they are not holy!

Thanks for many grins!!!!

Submitted by eldergent on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:09pm.

Wow!!!! Who saw that coming.

Shoebox's picture
Submitted by Shoebox on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 2:11pm.


Submitted by USArmybrat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 6:49am.

When will the entire book be out? Is it considered AMERICAN Standard or New INTERNATIONAL Version? I'm sorry these libs have no sense of humor here. It's kind of like "casting pearls before swine"!

Submitted by mgarlow on Wed, 09/10/2008 - 10:32pm.

Hey Hobbs. Check it up in your library; can you be disbarred for delusional and weird behavior? Get in your car, man. Drive over to Fayette Piedmont and get evaluated. You are starting to sound like those other lizard-skinned green-eyed goofballs that roam the back roads of Fayette County.

Submitted by MYTMITE on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 1:36pm.

Sorry to post this here but to be truthful, did not know how to start a blog--I am really computer illiterate.

Just wanted to say that today of all days we should all be just Americans--not Republicans, not Democrats, Independents or whatever but plain old Americans. On this date we learned for the first time that our country was not free from terrorism on our mainland. We learned that we would never be as naive as we once were, We could never again feel as safe as we were before. But most of all, let's remember all the people who lost their lives and especially those who unselfishly gave their lives trying to save others. I am always proud to be an American but everytime I remember the bravery of these men and women my heart swells with pride. Let's give thanks to be Americans where we can post our views regarding the candidates we are are for and those we are against without worrying about a knock on the door. When you say a prayer today remember to pray for all those who lost their lives and especially for their families left behind. God Bless America.

Submitted by USArmybrat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 6:53pm.

We not only need to remember those that were lost on that day,but also those that worked tirelessly that day and so many after on the sites of our dead. I thank God for our country, for the good (which is immeasureable) and the bad (of which I hope we have learned many lessons). I thank God for our President, who I believe has done what he thought was needed to keep us safe. I thank God for our military, all branches. THEY are the reason we have rights and privileges that we enjoy every day. I thank God for our people, from the police to the teachers to the firefighters to the BLOGGERS to the doctors to the nurses to all of us. We are AMERICANS.

carbonunit52's picture
Submitted by carbonunit52 on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 4:27am.

You read that whole rant? Please be careful with that sort of risky behavior, I am sure there are people depending on you to keep your own mind wholesome.

"I can't wait until tomorrow, because I get more lovable every day."

Submitted by mgarlow on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 1:21pm.

The Golden Book Fairy Tale by Hobbs is very entertaining, I do agree. I particularly like the sections about how the Spenders of the Left are the basis for much of our ills. What is funny is that the purveyor of such good news, and his behaviour in this blog system, fails to connect the spending community when its bad habits include the spending to support failed financial institutions who brought all of this ruin to our economy by themselves and their insistence to operate in a non-governmental mode of oversight. Yet, when one ounce of discussion is brought up to help and assist those who have nothing, or very little, the Hobbsian author is quick to assemble all of the trite talking points of the Might and the Right. Yes. And when one dares to point out that those of the laissez-faire intellegencia in reality have no clothes....the stories from the book of Fairy Tale authors abound with great aplomb. You Colonists are really a funny breed.

meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 3:44pm.

quick to assemble all of the trite talking points of the Might and the Right

Oh, you mean like the Barry is Jesus and Sarah is Pontius Pilate talking point from the Losers and the Left? The one you laid on us yesterday after someone in your party said it on the House floor? I gotcha.

his behaviour in this blog system

Hmmm, who is the mental giant who characterized some members of the Fayette community like this???? You are starting to sound like those other lizard-skinned green-eyed goofballs that roam the back roads of Fayette County. Uhh-oh, it was you in this same blog.

Hypocrite.....on both counts.

meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 6:45pm.

I just saw that paragon of knowledge Susan Sarandon on tv. They were asking "stars" (some people can't think for themselves and need to be guided I guess) what they thought of Sarah Palin.

This was her comment verbatim...."Well, Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilate was a governor."

The good news was her next comment was...."And, that's all I have to say." Thank God for that....

Submitted by USArmybrat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:28pm.

Amon, Fred, Amon!

mudcat's picture
Submitted by mudcat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 6:56pm.

Apparently not.

The Dems in Hollywood who get their talking points by fax every morning do a great job of repeating their lines - after all, that's what they do for a living.

Sad that some don't get up early enough to avoid embarassing repition.

There was even some dork in Congress today that spouted that tired old mantra.

Comparing Obama to Christ the Savior is bad enough, but implying Palin crusifies Christians and/or Jews and/or Saviors is beyond reasonable people's thought process.

Main Stream's picture
Submitted by Main Stream on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 9:56pm.

uh, what's his name? Is Dobson still heading up that wacko group?

Hollywood hunks/hunkettes and religious wingnuts like Dobson, Tony Perkins, Haggee and Parsley, are poor spokespeople for either party.

But at least Hollywood doesn't want to bring on Armageddon.

"You can lead a Republican to the truth, but you can't make him think."

Submitted by eldergent on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:01pm.

Sarah Palin wears sandals, just not in Alaska. How's that for a connection?

mudcat's picture
Submitted by mudcat on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:10pm.

Not relevant, but since you brought it up - she does look good in sandals.

Submitted by eldergent on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:17pm.

Jesus the community organizer being compared to a Chicago organizer setting up his run for public office.

JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 7:16pm.

She'll look better with her hand on the button ready to launch the ICBM's, even better than that fake photo of her in the bikini with the AK74.

meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Fri, 09/12/2008 - 8:15am.

If Barry gets in there I hope they set up a teleprompter for him by the ICBM button.

alittlebirdietoldme's picture
Submitted by alittlebirdietoldme on Wed, 09/10/2008 - 8:41pm.

he is the antichrist, afterall....J/K all you liberals...well, maybe?

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.