I know that you were making an attempt at sarcasm, but you failed miserably! Let's explore your "Platform"

Family values.--- What's wrong with that?

No new taxes.---Do we need and NEW taxes? Who would we tax?

Right to live.--- Sounds great to me.
No welfare.--- I promise that if the welfare system were abolished, local charities would see an increase of donations.

No Social Security.--- Great! I can invest my money better than the Gov't.

Big Defense department.---OK! Do you really want a smaller one?

Allowed to get drunk and shoot lawyers in the face!---Know the facts before you sling mud!

Allowed to torture if it is not called torture.--- Let another attack occur and let's see who you blame!
Allowed to borrow as long as China doesn't convert our dollars to Euros.---China, now that's another story altogether.

Allowed to spy on Americans without a warrant.--- Back to another attack!

Leave corporations alone!--- Corporations create jobs. Guess what JOBS pay our bills and drive the economy!

Instill democracy (or some limited form of it) everywhere, even if not wanted.--- As opposed to what, Dictatorship, totalinarism or a muslim theocracy?

Hire mercenaries by the hundreds of thousands.--- Security or mercenary, it is just a matter of semantics.

Pardon felons when they get caught (scooter).--- It should have been Armitage that was prosecuted, not Libby!

Increase the power of the Presidency beyond any limitations.--- Once again, a poor attempt at sarcasm. I would love to have a weak President!

Keep all regal people out of the army.--- What does that mean anyway?

Create an upper class as fast as possible.--- I have never seen a poor man create jobs!

Send our poor to Mexico.---Only the illegal ones!

Stop the stupid voting so that democrats (in Florida and Ohio)can never win or get close again.---This is so old, all we had to do was to recount the votes in the entire state of Florida to the same standard as Broward and Palm Beach Counties. The Supreme Court said that each Floridian had the right to have their votes counted equally. Not just those in the two Democrat controlled counties. REMEMBER----- If Al Gore had only carried HIS HOME STATE Florida would have been for naught anyway. Maybe we should pay attention to the people that know him best.
That ought to do it!

Either one of the Clintons has some of your "values". Give it up babe, you can't get out of the starting gate with whacko ides like that.

In case you were trying to do parody - it didn't work. Stick with your day job in mortgage processing. Whoops, never mind. Not too much business there now.

I wanna see if anyone can top that!