Golden Calf

I've often wondered just how long Moses was in the mountains, away from his flock who recently escaped from Egypt, since the mob in his absence seemed to have time to gather up a lot of gold and form it into a golden calf to worship! Now, I don't think God would have helped them build this thing, similar to what he did with parting the waters for them to escape, so they must have done it themselves! Either that or a slick golden calf salesman came along on a camel.
We have been waiting now for General Moses in Iraq to come down from the mountains, with Ambassador Crock, and the Pentagon Commandments, as to our situation in Iraq.
I feel sure he took them with him the last time he came to Washington, and I doubt if they have been revised.
Whack a mole isn't working. Apparently the ground is full of moles to pop up every time we hit a few!
When Crock and Moses the General do come down however, I think they will destroy the idea of democracy in Iraq. This is one sovereign state (according to the burning Bush) that will find themselves fired very soon. Of course they will resign with their Swiss bank accounts, and we will be forced to organize another bunch of democrats there. This time I suggest we just select them and hand them to the people and tell the people to obey them, and leave. No votes.

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JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Sat, 11/07/2009 - 11:50pm.

Was on the mountain for 40 days.

Exodus 24:18 And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.


Submitted by Bonkers on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 4:53am.

Yes Jeff, but I'm never sure what a day was in the Bible!

So, a Golden Calf salesman must have come by and they bought one since they probably didn't have enough time anyway to melt one into a mold, even if they had enough gold!
I suppose the "golden calf" was really something one of the crowd brought from home--maybe a small locket or something.

Have you seen "The History of the World--Part 1," where Moses drops one of three tablets and breaks it---there must have been 15 commandments to begin with, huh?

11. Bankers shall not buy insurance from AIG on bum loans.
12. All men shall have a job, even if a government one.
13. Politicians shall have only one short term in office.
14. Do not accumulate all money traders into two big buildings.
15. Stay away from wars near terrible high and cold mountains.

JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 9:34am.

I did see that movie!

The gold was from the earrings of everyone's wives, sons, and daughters. They gave it to Aaron and he melted it down and made the golden calf idol.

I have a reference book that covers the whole story. I'll get you a copy if you want one. Fascinating stuff.


Submitted by Bonkers on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 10:22am.

Now you are pulling my leg!

Son's earrings? Either a very small idol or a bunch of very rich Egyptian slaves!

Who wrote that reference book? Mel Brooks?

JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 11:01am.

The reference book is divided into sections each of which is also confusingly referred to as a "book". The authorship of some of the sub-books in the overall reference book is in dispute. However, in the main book itself, the first five sections are attributed to Moses himself. Many years later, a whole new section was added and the main character in that part refers to those same first five sections as the "books of Moses".

The book is quite old and to my knowledge there is no one still alive who was there at the time and who can verify the authorship.


Submitted by Bonkers on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 11:41am.

I am assuming that it is not in the canons? Although not eating pulled pork is!

Anyway, all things are possible for those who turn sticks into snakes, build pyramids with slaves. (wasn't Moses the chief architect on one or more pyramids for some period of time?)

JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 9:02pm.

Go with the new part. All of the dress codes and dietary restrictions got tossed so that we can dine on delicious pork products while our heads are not covered. And we are free to plow with an unmatched team and wear clothes made of more than one type of fiber! Life is good.

That snake thing was actually pretty cool and as far the slaves, well, how else are you gonna build a pyramid? They'd be really expensive otherwise, even if you were paying minimum wage and not providing health insurance.

I don't believe Moses was an architect. Personally, my suspicion is that he couldn't do the trigonometry in cubits. After the second or third time he asked how many palms in a cubit, they moved him into the construction side.

I'm glad I could help out. Have a good week.


Submitted by Bonkers on Mon, 11/09/2009 - 7:34am.

Yeah, "can't we just all get along" and quit printing that old stuff in the same book--it makes me queasy to read about such vengeance. I think some of those old boys writing stuff were on LSD accidental from poison attempts!

Now, I'm all for the fish on Friday stuff---no meat. (well maybe both).
I am aware that the mongers needed the business, thus the rule, but I like fish anyway, so I might even eat fish on Monday sometimes.

Don't care much for the white salty fish and lox for breakfast however. Even with the cream cheese and bagels. Could go battered cat fish and eggs benedict.

I don't plow anymore and always used a tractor anyway so that doesn't bother me. Unmatched animals could be a problem and shouldn't be used since people would think you were strange. I always used matched horses when pulling a sled, wagon, or disc harrowing land.

I still don't like the "snake thing," I think he shook it out of his cloak anyway---Heston was up to such trickery.

Frankly, I think the Aliens built the pyramids and the field designs that can be seen from an airplane (not the English wheat designs).
They are markers for their return to us. Sand has covered some of them however and they may not make it back due to that.

The wages of the slaves, if they were used as slaves, was payment of their taxes to the government. They were allowed to go home in the spring and plant crops in order to pay their taxes next time.
Insurance nor minimum wages was not necessary---they used primarily a barter system---sweat and blood as payment.
An injury, cancer, broken bones, fever, ulcers, HIV, sent you directly to the stone quarrys for burial.

Heston didn't know trigonometry--it is all I can do to use two unknowns, on angle and a line distance to determine a tree's height!

Personally, I don't think they used cubits, for the pyramids or for Noah's ark. What is that anyway? Hands were used--and finger widths.

The Dinosaurs disappeared (drowned) due to the fact that Noah didn't notify them to come on the day of floating off. There are those who say that when the elephants were loaded he said, "enough, enough," and closed the door. Hay was scarce anyway and he had no green leaves and enough barrels of water left. Also human floor scoopers were scarce since the recruiting for the job didn't go well prior to lift off---they were all banned by God, anyway.

Even Noah didn't know what a cubit was and used hands and fingers.

You have been helpful. Thank you.

JeffC's picture
Submitted by JeffC on Mon, 11/09/2009 - 8:34am.

I'm out of here for a while, but for those interested in cubits here is part of an explanation (sorry for the cut and paste) that I wrote for a (slightly humorous) leaflet for Habitat:

For those unfamiliar with archaic measures of length, a rod was once defined as 11 cubits, a cubit being six palms, a palm being the width of four fingers. One cubit was generally the length between the tip of a man's thumb and his elbow which is about 18 inches. Noah's Ark was 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits deep making it about 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 deep in case you've ever wondered. Measuring lengths by the widths of four fingers was highly variable and soon became unacceptable so a rod was later defined as the length between the end of the plow and the nose of the oxen. This measurement was also eventually deemed imprecise and so in the 15th century a rod was defined as the length of the left foot of 13 men. This too became unsatisfactory and in the early 1600s Edmund Gunter, the English astronomer and mathematician who invented the slide rule, officially defined a rod as 5.5 yards or 16 1/2 feet and a pole and a perch and a rod were all defined to be the same length. However, local customs variously defined a perch as between 18 and 24 feet as late as 1820. Four poles equal one chain and 10 chains equals one furlong. An acre was one chain by 10 chains or one chain by one furlong.

And so on... Apologies for the time y'all wasted reading that.


carbonunit52's picture
Submitted by carbonunit52 on Sun, 11/08/2009 - 10:19pm.

Another take on the reference book, by Huckleberry Finn, when the widow Douglas allowed she would sivilize him:

"After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the Bulrushers, and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by and by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in dead people."

I have always appreciated that sentiment.

It's not easy being the carbonunit


Submitted by Bonkers on Sat, 11/07/2009 - 5:17pm.

I think dollar had it right. (above)
They are coming to take me away--ha-ha!

Submitted by DWKK07 on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 7:56pm.

I thought you left dollar, why did you come back?

--- Send this link to all your friends http://www.thecitizen.com/node/18030 . Go and sign the Petition!

Submitted by dollaradayandfound on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 9:33am.

Sounds right now!

Submitted by d.smith700 on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 3:36pm.

I think maybe the moles have ventured outside Baghdad now----waiting!

Git Real's picture
Submitted by Git Real on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 4:22pm.

Dedicated to our old friend $$NitPickerSmith$$

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees
And begged you not to leave
Because I'd go beserk

Well you left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind

And they're coming to take me away ha-haaa
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away ha haaa

You thought it was a joke
And so you laughed
You laughed when I said
That losing you would make me flip my lid

Right? You know you laughed
I heard you laugh. You laughed
You laughed and laughed and then you left
But now you know I'm utterly mad

And they're coming to take me away ha haaa
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haaa
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away ha haaa

I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish, loving deeds
Ha! Well you just wait
They'll find you yet and when they do
They'll put you in the A.S.P.C.A.
You mangy mutt

And they're coming to take me away ha haaa
They're coming to take me away ha haaa ho ho hee hee
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats

And they're coming to take me away
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away ha haaa!


pentapenguin's picture
Submitted by pentapenguin on Wed, 08/22/2007 - 8:31pm.

Hey $, I have a question for you: does that Golden Calf follow the Golden Rule and eat at Golden Corral? Smiling

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Save yourself and maybe others too. Concealed Carry Permit How-To


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Wed, 08/22/2007 - 8:41pm.

That was good!!!!!

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A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader.


Submitted by McDonoughDawg on Wed, 08/22/2007 - 7:20pm.

Aren't you bored out of your mind? It reads like you are.

Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Wed, 08/22/2007 - 7:25pm.

Yep, that's our $!!!!!
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Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country.


Submitted by dollaradayandfound on Thu, 08/23/2007 - 7:21am.

I would be most interested in your interpretation of the same story that I told! You know about where the calf came from and whether General Moses had the report in his pocket when he went back to Iraq?

Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Thu, 08/23/2007 - 12:35pm.

At the end of the day, I expect stability in the region. We owe this to those that paid the ultimate sacrifice.

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A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader.


Submitted by Bonkers on Sat, 11/07/2009 - 7:02pm.

It is now two years later. Maybe ten more, huh?

yardman5508's picture
Submitted by yardman5508 on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 3:58pm.

there was relative stability in the region before we entered the fray and destroyed the balance of power. Keep the faith.

Democracy is not a spectator sport.


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 8:29pm.

Not since the end of Ottoman rule has there been relative stability. The Brits got the Arabs to rally against Turkey in WWI with the promised for self rule only to have France and England stab them in the back via the Sykes-Picot Agreement.
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Caution - The Surgeon General has determined that constant blogging is an addiction that can cause a sedentary life style.


Submitted by McDonoughDawg on Wed, 08/22/2007 - 7:33pm.

Not sure why...

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