Wednesday, February 27, 2002
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Wednesday, February 27, 2002 |
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Spamming the awards world By BILLY MURPHEY Controversy, disappointment, the silly outfits, this issue of Spamming the Globe salutes all the awards won and yet to be won. The Olympics were about as up and down as a hyperactive kid on a trampoline. There were some great events in Salt Lake City, only to be mired in debate and debacle. It seemed like a night wouldn't pass when there wasn't a disqualification, a protest or both. I haven't seen this much dispute, contention, and icy rejection since I was on the dating scene. This contention-o-rama can be added to the growing list of side-effects from too much political correctness. We are so over-concerned with 100-percent-perfect equity that we have created a whole new subculture of instant replayers, finish-line inspectors and close-call questioners. We seem to work ultra-hard to find this perfection in things not meant to be perfect. The very nature of sport incorporates the potential for the wrong call, the missed strike, the failure of humanity, not to mention the agony of defeat. That's what makes sports such a great analogy of life. Yet, today, in seeking to make everyone a winner, we focus on compensation for a wrong incurred, a flaw, a mistake, intentional or not. It's called the "lawyerly" life I guess. Got a problem? Sue. Didn't win? File a protest. If I could have changed anything about the Olympics though, I would have let Michelle Kwan win. I just felt so bad for her. It was pretty hopeless after Sarah Hughes skated. It was definitely a "too late" moment. After Hughes' program, I'm sure the rest of the girls were just hoping she would fail her drug test, because there was no beating her in form or style. Michelle, you should have called Tonya Harding; maybe she could have given some advice on alternative measures. The next prize show to spam is the Grammys Awards. I have never really had an opinion on them. It seems a bit ridiculous to have a three-hour televised ceremony just to honor the best grandmothers. What would the categories be anyway? "Best Denture Wearer" or "Grandmother Who Smells the Most Like Soup"? Lastly, I spam the Academy Awards. There are no winners or losers at the Oscars. They just have "The Award Goes to ..." If there is a theme to this year's Oscar ceremony, it would have to be "celebrating the disadvantaged." I am not sure if being a good actor or having a good story matters any longer. It is all about representing some demographic affliction more inverted political correctness. Russell Crowe plays a schizophrenic. He's up for Best Actor. Sean Penn is too. He plays a mentally handicapped man. Dame Judy Dench is up for Best Actress and she plays a woman spiraling into Alzheimer's and dementia. Also, Nicole Kidman sings, dances and courtesans her way through a terminal illness to the tune of a Best Actress nomination. Consider that Will Smith is nominated for Ali who suffers from Parkinson's Disease and Renee Zellweger put on 40 pounds to play a chubby Bridget Jones and you have a pretty full plate of dilemma-nites. The best performance of the year belongs to Gene Hackman in "The Royal Tenenbaums," but he was knocked out of the running because his character was allowed to smile. I think I am going to file a protest. [Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at www.ebilly.net.]
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