Wednesday, April 4, 2001
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Wednesday, April 4, 2001 |
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When teens talk, this is what they say By AMY RILEY Don't think that all teens are about this or that. I am just one person, with a very personal take on life. Don't blame me as an individual for some collective teen problem that seems to exist in society. Let me be my own person. Stop looking to me to fulfill all the dreams that you had for yourself. Find out what I like, and what I think, and ask me what I intend to do with my brains and talents. You may have some great suggestions, and I'd be a lot more apt to follow your advice if you helped me to figure things out for myself, rather than just telling me what to do. I need some help in setting long-term academic and career goals, but don't turn me off with a lot of "when you're in the workforce" lectures. Do tell me things like, "Try to find a job that you love doing and one that makes you happy and pays the bills." That's some real advice that I can use. I need to know why you make the decisions you do. I know it gets annoying, and it's much easier to say, "Because I said so," but try to give an explanation when you can. I promise to work on arguing with you when I don't like what you say, but will you promise to at least listen to my views? I know I'm stubborn, and I don't have the experience that you do with "how the world is," but tell me some good things about the world, too, sometimes, because if you don't I'll be scared a lot and won't sleep well. Don't go on and on about how you don't like my friends. It hurts my feelings, and makes me want to keep them a secret. Instead, why don't you invite them over and get to know them better. If you still don't like them, at least you'll have some concrete reasons why. When I'm older, I'll probably come to see that you were right, but right now, just watch over me and try to let me figure some of these things out myself. But please step in if you think I'm really going to get hurt, because that's why I'm depending on, even though I won't like you much when you do. Hug me, massage my tense shoulders, and pat me on the back every now and then. I may look at you like you're nuts, but it still feels good when you reach out to me. I'll never admit it, but I miss the days when I used to run into your arms after a long day. Hugging you reminds me that I'm home. Don't embarrass or humiliate me. I'm not very secure as it is, and when you talk about embarrassing things I did to your friends, it makes me mad and sad all at the same time. It makes me feel like you've betrayed me, and then I don't want you to know very much about me after that. Please be consistent. I need to know what the rules are today and for the rest of the year, too. I need to know what is expected of me at school and at home. I'll probably still forget to do stuff sometimes, but at least I'll know that I'm in trouble because I screwed up, not because no one told what I was supposed to do. If you're going to make up new rules, try to tell me what they are before I've done something wrong. It helps me to "think on my feet" better if something comes up that doesn't look like such a good idea. Please don't get all flipped out when I'm moody and pouty and snap everybody's head off. Sometimes I don't know what comes over me. Mostly I feel really stupid afterwards anyway, so there's not much else you can add that will drive that point home any further. I'm trying to get control of my emotions. Please be patient with me, and try not to lose control of yours. Then I'm really confused. When we're both freaked out, we usually say a lot of stuff we don't mean, and that feels bad. It probably feels bad for you, too. And what I'm about to say it true, but don't ever ask me to admit it, or rub my nose in it later on. Don't ever say, "Remember when you said to me..." because that makes me feel about one inch tall. But here goes. I need you to set limits for me. I need you to make me work for things. I need to know what it's like to really want something, and be willing to work hard to get it. I need to pay for my own mistakes. I don't really need you to come rushing in and take up for me all the time. I need to learn to stand up for myself. Most of all, I just need you to love me and stand by me whatever happens in the next few years. There is so much in my life that I can't predict or control, I need to know that you love me even when I'm not a very nice person, or when I get bad grades, or when I haven't done anything you asked me to do. Hey, and thanks for being my parents. I have a feeling that when I grow up and have kids, I'll probably be a lot like you, but if I am, don't say, "I told you so." [Your comments are welcome at: ARileyFreePress@aol.com.]
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