Social Evolution

Git Real's picture

The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer.

This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and
The occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:

Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, they eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

**Here ends the lesson in world history.

** The Lion claims no authorship in the above world history chapter. He only shares it for the purpose of the enlightenment & entertainment for those that perhaps may not have have the pleasure of viewing the afore mentioned writing. Libs such as Rice Boy will take offense and try to belittle the Lion.

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ExExPatriot's picture
Submitted by ExExPatriot on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 4:24pm.

Oh, wait, maybe we already did.

Let me see how this hashes out;
- Conservatives drink only beer
- Conservatives like killing animals
- Sewing and hairdressing is easier than hunting
- Conservatives can't sew or be barbers
- Conservatives don't appreciate groups that try to prevent abuse of power
- Conservatives don't like the concept of voting. Or cats.
- Conservatives are represented by an animal which leaves the largest piles of
- Conservative men tend to have higher testosterone levels which can interfere with judgment
- Conservatives don't believe in fairness in sports
- Conservatives don't care what the beer tastes like, as long as it's made here and cheap
- Conservatives like to hire other conservatives because there's less probability that a union will make him pay more than a small wage.
- Conservatives don't like to govern
- Europeans are less enlightened despite having a better overall standard of living than the USA (applies to several European countries up to the fall of the wall).

Hmmm - gotta think about this for a while.


Basmati's picture
Submitted by Basmati on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 3:35pm.

Lest anyone think Git Real has an original thought in his head, the above nonsense has been floating around on teh Internets for years.


Git Real's picture
Submitted by Git Real on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 3:45pm.

Hey Christian hater. The truth does hurt doesn't it? It was a given you would be the first to take a stab at me. Speaking of the pot calling the.....


Basmati's picture
Submitted by Basmati on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 6:38pm.

Yes yes, I disagree with you and I'm a "Christian Hater". Have you discussed these delusions of grandeur with your therapist yet?

And for the record, Jesus is a liberal. Now what was your point again? Laughing out loud


Basmati's picture
Submitted by Basmati on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 7:39pm.

I was pointing out that Git Real usually accuses people who disagree with him of "hating Christians". That's his schtick on this board.


Git Real's picture
Submitted by Git Real on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 8:21pm.

I only accuse you of hating Christians. You have made that point very clear in your previous blogs. That's my schtick when it comes to you.


PTC Guy's picture
Submitted by PTC Guy on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 9:44pm.

I only accuse you of hating Christians. You have made that point very clear in your previous blogs. That's my schtick when it comes to you.

Beyond abundantly clear. To the n'th degree!

-----------------------------
Keeping it real and to the core of the issue, not the peripherals.


Spear Road Guy's picture
Submitted by Spear Road Guy on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 3:40pm.

It might be plagiarism, but humorous none the less.

Vote Republican


Git Real's picture
Submitted by Git Real on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 4:00pm.

Spear....sorry you got the impression that was original material. I have added a disclaimer that I hope meets your concern.


ExExPatriot's picture
Submitted by ExExPatriot on Sun, 08/13/2006 - 4:39pm.

You call that a lion? THE Lion even?

I was thinking maybe the poor thing had a losing run-in with a leaky golf cart battery pack.

LOL aint the internet great?


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