I Hurt Everywhere, Man

Oh, well. Here's a piece of sheer doggerel offered only for (possible) fun.

My arthritis flared up enough recently to inspire the following tune.

I HURT EVERYWHERE

(To Johnny Cash's recording, "I've Been Everywhere")

I hurt everywhere, man
I hurt everywhere, man
Much more than my share, man
I even have sore hair, man
Up here and right down there, man
I hurt everywhere.

Left hip
Upper Lip
Tendon ripped
Doctor trips
Thigh bone
Ankle bone
Even in my end zone
Headache
Backache
Stomachache
No breaks
Sore nose
Sore toes
No end to my woes
Bad teeth
Sore feet
Tried heat
I'm beat
Hands hurt
Can't work
There days I'm inert

I hurt everywhere, man
I hurt everywhere, man
Much more than my share, man
I even have sore hair, man
Up here and right down there, man
I hurt everywhere.

I've tried
Ibuprofen
Motrin
Medipren
Nuprin
Advil
The purple pill
Blue pill to get some thrills
Tylenol
Trexall
Tamadol
Damn it all
Penicillin
'moxycillin
No good for pain killin'
Hot tubs
Back rubs
Doctors with rubber gloves
New Age
Newest craze
Herbal teas
Can't you see that

I hurt everywhere, man
I hurt everywhere, man
Much more than my share, man
I even have sore hair, man
Up here and right down there, man
I hurt everywhere.

I've got
Arthritis
Bursitis
Tendonitis
phlebitis
Poor sight
Hindsight
Uptight
Don't feel right
Constipated
Fibrillated
PG-Rated
Sure do hate it
Bad knees
No ease
Disease
Help me, please
Aches, pains
Feel drained
Too tired
Muscles strained
Medicines
Are my friends
Take another dose again

I hurt everywhere, man
I hurt everywhere, man
Much more than my share, man
I even have sore hair, man
Up here and right down there, man
I hurt everywhere.

Bravo!

Submitted by Buckwheat Rules on Tue, 06/20/2006 - 12:34pm.

Man, that's just some downright funny stuff right there! I can actually hear Johnny Cash singing it as I read. Good show ...

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I hurt everywhere...

Submitted by ctkcec on Mon, 06/19/2006 - 4:22pm.

Now THAT was funny!

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Good Theme!!

Submitted by PTC Guy on Mon, 06/19/2006 - 4:01pm.

Sounds like a good theme song for me.

But, on the side, I have found something that helps alot while living after two knee surgeries and a number of ruptured disks.

Tens Unit. They are marvels in relieving such pain and promoting healing.

Really. No joke. Really seriously mean it.

I use the Intelect Tens, but they may have better units out now.

Just watch prices, I see it down to at least $51.00 at some places.

And you can run larger than stock pads to giver better results. Plus create your own holders to lower pad costs.

I was so bad I could not get out of bed. This thing got me up and going again.

-----------------------------
Keeping it real and to the core of the issue, not the peripherals.

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Nice diddy

Submitted by John Munford on Mon, 06/19/2006 - 2:51pm.

Excellent! Got a big laugh out of this; needed it today.

Wish I was humorous enough to bring more laughter to the world. Thanks Muddle!

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