Consistency overdone

Got this little note from my credit card company recently, when they decided to change their contract rules: “We may amend this Agreement at any time. We may amend it by adding, deleting, or changing provisions of this Agreement.”

Can you imagine walking into a bank or your mortgage office, planting yourself in front of the head honcho's desk, and saying:

“I’ve been thinking, and I just may change the contract on my car loan/mortgage/college loans. I may add, delete, or change provisions of our agreement.

“And if you reject my changes, I may terminate re-payment and just tear up the papers documenting our agreement. What’s more, when I decide I need to borrow more money from you, I’ll make up a new contract that suits me better.”

That was essentially the statement from my credit card company. I’ve used a credit card since I was offered one as a high school senior, and find it the most efficient way to manage purchases.

But I’m the kind of customer credit card companies hate. I always pay off my bill before the due date by having it drawn directly and automatically from my savings account. I never incur service fees. And I never fall for those little checks they send me each month “bank checks” or whatever they are.

In other words, I use a credit card my way, and they don’t make money off me.

Of such virtue Andy Rooney has built a career.

I haven’t done an Andy Rooney column in a long time, so this is going to be cathartic. Let’s start with one I believe Andy took on too: packaging that is impossible to open. Pill bottles are bad enough, but the motivation is clear “to protect small children” and some are offered with non-tamper-proof lids for child-free households.

Everyone has observed the irony that a patient can’t get to the life-saving medicine in the bottle because its cap won’t budge. I’ve been reduced to tears more than once when a lid or envelope has baffled me. My big old steel scissors occupies an honored place on my countertop for use as a mallet to knock a screw-top lid loose, or to cut the seam of a cereal box liner open. Is General Mills afraid the Cheerios are going to run for it?

Even Dave is sometimes unable to get them open. We’re getting old, we don’t need to be reminded. Pickle jars, for whatever reason, are notorious, but I think the simple cardboard carton processed eggs come in is the worst.

It has a snappy white cap that turns very nicely. Under it is another cap with a ring with which to lift it. Pull hard enough, and that ring will break, leaving you no choice but to attack the box with an ice pick. If you stab hard enough to puncture the inner seal, changes are good you’ll stab right on through the opposite side, or at least have it swirl out of your hand, whirling its contents all over counter and floor.

I can’t even open an aluminum can with a ring on top. It won’t budge for me,or it breaks right off.

Ball jars. Remember those wonderful canning jars your mother used to can tomatoes and peaches? A couple of food companies have adopted the same size jar for tropical fruit, pizza sauce and marinara, and they are wonderful to keep for leftovers or carrying stuff on picnics.

Invariably, however, the lids get lost or, at best, mixed up. The differences are minute, but it would seem that each individual jar had its own individual lid, and that lid, and only that lid, will seal that jar. What’s the harm in consistency by food canners? Would it really matter if a DelMonte lid were used on a Paul Newman spaghetti sauce in its second incarnation?

Computers are notoriously inconsistent, and the worst part of breaking in a new laptop is that it differs in some small subtle way that lets me make more errors than Microsoft Word can fix. The programs themselves require constant updating, and each time there’s another monkey wrench thrown in to make life miserable. Right now I’m dealing with an interloper called “POSTDATA.” When I try to “refresh” the screen to see if I have new mail, this warning comes on to say if I hit “OK” I’ll duplicate a previous send. The alternative is nothing. “Cancel” and the red X both take it away and do no action.

Inconsistencies like this can be fatal when they occur in automobiles. Turn signals, wipers, headlights, emergency flashers, dashboard lights, cruise control... they can be anywhere, and I bet if you have two or more vehicles in your family fleet, no two are alike.

The worst is our Grand Cherokee, which has these classy little red lights ringing every knob or slide on the dashboard. At night, you get into the car, close the door, and all the little red lights are just twinkling for joy. Every ring... except the one around the headlight switch, and the ignition switch, merely the two essentials for night driving.

Oh well, can’t afford to drive the gas guzzler anyhow. Besides, I feel better now.

Thank you, Andy Rooney.

yet...

Submitted by yardman5508 on Thu, 06/01/2006 - 6:46pm.

we accept such inconsistencies in our elected officials under the guise that "we know what is best for you"...go figure

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