The worry of hosting, cooking

Ronda Rich's picture

Early on that Saturday morning, the phone had rung as I puzzled over the recently acquired digital camcorder, wondering why on earth I had purchased such a sophisticated one.

Easy, I told myself, is always better. Especially when dealing with George Jetson-like technology. But the call that came from that ring of the phone was not about anything newfangled or technologically advanced. It was, instead, about something as old-fashioned and as comfortable as homemade biscuits and home-grown tomatoes.

“I’m afraid we’re not going to have enough food.” My sister, Louise, plunged into the reason for her call. I cradled the phone between my head and shoulder and continued to fiddle with the camera as she fretted.

Again, as we have done in the past, my sister and I were orchestrating a family reunion for Mama’s large and sprawling family at Louise’s house. Mama was one of eight children, so between the ones who are still living and the vast offspring that has sprung from their loins, there are a lot of us.

The reason for the specific get-together was to honor our Uncle Delbert on his recently passed 80th birthday and to celebrate his upcoming 55th wedding anniversary with his wife, Kathleen. The week after Mama’s death, our beloved Uncle Delbert had been diagnosed with lung cancer. And now on this day that my sister and I spoke by phone, he was somewhere in the fourth stage of his illness. He would die six weeks later.

We did a check list of all the food we had, plus others were bringing covered dishes. Louise had fried up an abundance of chicken, a huge pork loin was grilling, we had several dishes of vegetables between us, a refrigerator full of soft drinks and water, a few gallons of sweet tea and a large, tiered wedding cake.

“Well, just tell me what else you need,” I said. “I could fry up a couple of big packages of okra. There’s plenty in Mama’s freezer.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “Do that and fix three quarts of green beans.” She paused. “You know when it’s at your house, you just worried that you won’t have enough food for everybody.”

Somewhere between the frying of the okra and the baking of an apple cobbler, Aunt Kathleen called.

“Let me tell you what I’ve got fixed.” Then, the guest of honor, who had been told repeatedly not to prepare anything – it was, after all, her special day – ticked off eight dishes.

“I told you not to make anything,” I reminded her.

“Oh, it’s just a little bit and I enjoyed doing every minute of it.”

In the world of Southern womanhood, too much food is never enough. I knew exactly what Louise and Aunt Kath were saying: You can’t just feed your guests, you have to over-feed them. They have to leave your house, feeling as if they can never eat another bite. And, then, if there is not enough left for another meal or two, then you simply did not cook enough. And that, in the world from which we come, is not acceptable.

Before the others arrived, Louise, Aunt Kath and I laid out the food on two eight-foot tables. As Louise arranged the hydrangeas, I stepped back and looked. “We’ve got enough food here to feed everyone, if no one brings anything else.”

Oh, but bring it they did. Food poured in, cooked and delivered by some of the finest Southern cooks I’ve ever known, including Aunt Ozelle. We ate and ate and still didn’t seem to put much of a dent in the bounty.

When it was all said and done, all ate and enjoyed, there was enough food left to feed another gathering of large appetites.

We had happily fixed more than enough food. Again.

[Ronda Rich is the best-selling author of “What Southern Women Know About Flirting” and “The Town That Came A-Courtin’.” Her newest book is “What Southern Women Know about Faith.” She lives near Gainesville, Ga. Sign up for her newsletter at www.rondarich.com.]

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Main Stream's picture
Submitted by Main Stream on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 10:16am.

...cuz you live in the south. I just love it: "In the world of Southern womanhood, too much food is never enough...You can’t just feed your guests, you have to over-feed them. They have to leave your house, feeling as if they can never eat another bite. And, then, if there is not enough left for another meal or two, then you simply did not cook enough. And that, in the world from which we come, is not acceptable."

It's no wonder people are so fat down here. It must be the culture in the south that makes people eat until they feel like puking. A family gathering usually turns out to be an excuse to overeat fattening food, plus, it seems like some *southern* sin to get up off yer butts and take a walk after feeding at the trough, in order to help digest the pounds of food in y'alls bellies. Every social event we go to anymore has to include enough food to feed an Army and folks eat until they can't even move. No wonder the south is so obese.... jeeeeez!!!!!

Y'all are screaming about not wanting your tax dollars to go towards funding abortions, well, I don't want my tax dollars going towards obese people's blood pressure and diabetes meds, who ride their "scooters" around Walmart buying Twinkies and Ho-Ho's.


Submitted by Okie on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 5:00pm.

You don't have to be "Fat" as you say to have diabetes. My friends Mother weighs 98 pounds and is a diabetic.

meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 4:34pm.

"....I don't want my tax dollars going towards obese people's blood pressure and diabetes meds, who ride their "scooters" around Walmart buying Twinkies and Ho-Ho's."

Sounds like someone is unhappy with her part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter. Sucks to be you....


Silence Dogood's picture
Submitted by Silence Dogood on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 2:57pm.

Might I observe that Ms Main Stream is such a bitter shrill? Why would a person who is so tormented by the culture of the South choose to remain here? Why is it that those who whine the most about the South remain here? Why did they leave that which is so superior in their minds?

Personally I would like to thank the South and for the most part, her wonderful people that have made such a wonderful and hospitable home for my family and I. The food is wonderful and yes, after stuffing my face it does help to exercise and walk often to keep my slim figure. And who eats Ho-Ho's and Twinkies in Little Debbie and Moon Pie land? This poor lady is so confused and distraught. Bless her little heart. Hopefully she may one day find her way out of her personal hell.


meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 3:48pm.

"Might I observe that Ms Main Stream is such a bitter shrill? Why would a person who is so tormented by the culture of the South choose to remain here?"

Very good observation and question Silence. One would think someone hopelessly mired in the fast-food industry down South would have enough portable "skills" to move somewhere else. Didn't I read on here that she has worked at Krystal the whole time she has lived here? Surely White Castle would hire her up North or Jack-in-the-Box out west. If you can stuff Sliders in a bag down here for 10 years you should be able to transition those "skills" elsewhere. Hmmm, must be her sunny disposition comes out in places other than here....what a shock.


matt.barnes's picture
Submitted by matt.barnes on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 2:50pm.

Obesity is a southern issue and every body up north is healthy, fit and good enough shape to pose for Calvin Cline. I don't know why you think the north is so much better than the south. I spent half my life up north and as I recall people were just as fat and out of shape up there as they are here.


Main Stream's picture
Submitted by Main Stream on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 4:52pm.

Y'all may think it's just good ol' southern hospitality to stuff yer faces so much that yer bellies swell but it's nothing to be proud of. You're killing yourselves. But maybe that's a good thing, to sit back and watch the conservative south eat themselves to death.

Why Are Southerners So Fat?


dawn69's picture
Submitted by dawn69 on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:43pm.

My mother's side of the family does the same thing - overcooks. I have a theory as to why this occurs and don't believe that it is necessarily a southern phenomenon as it is a FEMALE issue.

Case in point: Every Thanksgiving it is my assignment to bring the pies because (I'm going to brag a little here) I am a pie artist. My pies are masterpieces, they are artistic creations. I make a butterscotch pecan pie, a french silk pie with REAL chocolate mouse and chocolate leaf decorations, and a caramel apple pie with a walnut crumb topping that is to die for. So, then, why does my cousin Carrie always bring red velvet and brownies. She knows that dessert is MY thing. She knows that I am ALWAYS assigned to pie duty and that there is a reason for such. It is also, every year, my mother's assignment to bring the dressing. But you can bet Aunt Brenda will also bring a pan of dressing. Why?

It's simple....competition! It reminds me of the Andy Griffith episode where Aunt Bee and Clara are competing with their pickles at the fair. My dad once, very stupidly, commented that Aunt Nadine's dumplings were the best he'd ever had....my mother hasn't made dumplings in almost 20 years. He now understands that when we women put our souls into cooking we do it because we are wired to please and want to be the best at pleasing than any other woman.

The unfortunate result of such an unspoken competitive drive is that we usually end up with way too much food and it is absolutely ridiculous.

Now, my dad's family is from Indiana and I have never in all my life seen so many casseroles in one sitting. Haven't those people ever heard of corn meal and fat back? Smiling

Actually, as a 5'3" 112 pound female...my total cholesterol came back at age 31 a whopping 490!!! My good cholesterol was only 11 and my triglycerides were over 500!!! Believe you me, I have started substituting olive oil for bacon fat when I cook and now eat more Mahi-Mahi than I do pork chops. I am in the EXTREME HIGH RISK for heart and artery disease and have two parents that both had bypass surgery before age 45. I am not fat but am a walking time bomb. I, despite competitive cousins, do not overeat but it is not a question of quantity - rather an issue of quality.

I believe, however, that most of us down here in the South have been learning the er of our ways. That must be why it's so hard to find craklins these days. Smiling

Come on, Main, I just know I could win you over with some of my home made short bread with pecans, or divinity (you'll have to wait 'till it's not so humid for that), or maybe some pralines. I just know I can get to you through your stomach. Smiling

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." - Ben Franklin


Main Stream's picture
Submitted by Main Stream on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 8:20am.

Your pies do sound like artwork! Ever think about going into the pie business?

But goodness gracious girl.... 490 cholesterol at 31!!??? Yes, please lay off the bacon grease and cheese grits for the sake of your health... plus, your kids need you around! I can't brag about my pies but I can brag that my cholesterol is only 180. I haven't bought bacon in years, only use olive oil, cook skinless chicken and use ground turkey instead of hamburger meat...etc, etc.

I watched a beloved family member die several years ago from all that yummy "southern hospitality" and just sitting in his Lazy Boy all day and night watching the Braves and Falcons games. He never exercised, ate loads of southern food which included sausage sandwiches, cheese grits, creamy casseroles and hamburgers. Every winter, he would come down with horrible colds that would last for weeks and the ladies from his church would bring him all kinds of artery-clogging foods that made him even worse. I guess he died from being loved so much.

"Come on, Main, I just know I could win you over with some of my home made short bread with pecans, or divinity..."

Nah, not that stuff. But I am a sucker for great Mexican food. Eye-wink


Submitted by Bonkers on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 9:54am.

Some try to impress people one way, some another. I don't know why the lack of confidence.

Submitted by skyspy on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 6:35pm.

You are winning people over to the liberal side with your lovely personality. Keep up the good work. Ugly green venom looks good on you.
I acutally feel sorry for you. It must be hard to be a bitter angry old shrew living a life you hate in a place you hate.

meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 7:10pm.

Feel sorry for that loser? I hope she gets "progressively" more miserable every day she lives. She must hate what she sees in the mirror. Anybody that sour on life has to.

By the way, wonder if she knows going out to dinner with just your immediate family is not a "social event"? Nobody would want a perpetually PMS'ing, cranky, hateful, arrogant, bitter old bat like that at a real social event. Two minutes around her and you'd probably want to eat yourself to death. Nah, that would be waaaaaaay too slow.....


Submitted by skyspy on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 8:35pm.

You are right, that would be way to slow.

I know it is pathetic but I still kind of feel sorry for anyone who has a life that is so miserable.

We are the artists or craftsman of our own lives. Our life can be as miserable or as great as we want it to be. It is all up to us. Success is a choice.

Have a good weekend.

Submitted by smile on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:39pm.

Happiness is a choice, so smile Main Stream. Just be glad you are not fat since you hate fat so much and don't worry about other people's fat.

SMILE Smiling

Silence Dogood's picture
Submitted by Silence Dogood on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 3:01pm.

One only needs to visit my family, friends and former neighbors in New York, Chicago and Indiana to realize that the life of living a "butterball" lifestyle is quite indigenous to the Northern regions of our fine country. It amazes me why many Southerners desire to follow suit.


matt.barnes's picture
Submitted by matt.barnes on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 3:32pm.

I don't think it is an issue of one region following another. Fact is; obesity is a national trend. Ho ho's and Twinkies unite us all. But I will say one thing, my Grandma in Ohio never cooked a deep-fried twinkie.


The Wedge's picture
Submitted by The Wedge on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 12:59pm.

As a truly committed liberal and unabashed champion of all things governmental (at least federally, MS demonstrates the problem of taxpayer funded healthcare. An "elite" class of liberals gets to decide how the money is best spent. In doing so, regulations become the norm and the unfettered freedom of choice in our lives is eroded. We eventually will have weigh ins and punishment for behavior not deemed acceptable, yet legal. An liberty bleeds to death from a bazillion paper cuts


meanoldconservatives's picture
Submitted by meanoldconservatives on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 12:13pm.

Interestingly enough, the latest Rasmussen polling data shows nobody from the South gives a $#!^ what you think about Twinkies, crinolines, or anything else for that matter. Aren't you supposed to be cleaning my toilets today?


Submitted by skyspy on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 1:52pm.

Once again she wins friends with her broad brush stereotypes. It must be hard to have to live in a place you hate so much.

Part of southern hospitality is providing enough for everyone invited to the gathering. The reason there is always so much food leftover is because we eat normal portions. Also it is in good taste to send home a goodie bag for every guest. That is also part of the whole southern hospitality thing. I wasn't born in the south, (unfortunate for me) but I have learned to be gracious by observing my friends.

Grow where you are planted or move somewhere else. California is anxiously looking for new suckers (ooopppsss) taxpayers.

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