Hot weather comfy pants

Okay, I’ll admit it. Of the two people in our 10-year marriage, The Wife is the smarter.

What may seem like an astounding realization didn’t just happen overnight. I’ve known for years. I was just too much of a Neanderthal to put it into print.

But things around our house are changing. And yes, it’s change you can believe in. After the truly brilliant innovation last weekend by yours truly, there’s no doubt the balance of brainpower in our marriage has finally tilted in my direction.

They’re known by many names: comfy pants, slump-de-dump clothes or even loungers. Call them what you like, they’re all the same. They are the clothes you slip on to relax after work or a long weekend of running the kids around from one event to another.

Most of the time they aren’t the most attractive ensemble in the closet or dresser, and you would never be caught out in public wearing them. Comfy pants are strictly for lounging around the house and relaxing.

For years my comfy pants have been pair of 20-year old sweatpants — until last weekend when I started to sweat. The Boy came over to install our new flat screen television.

No, I wasn’t sweating because I thought he was going to drop the television, or he didn’t know what he was doing. It was 85 degrees and comfy sweat pants aren’t so comfy anymore in such high temperatures.

Besides, in order for me to know that he didn’t know what he was doing, I would first have to know how to do it.

And if I already knew how to make all the television connections, then why would I’ve called and ask him for help?

After about an hour a 32-inch HD flat screen television with 1080 pixels hung on our bedroom wall, and I have not a clue how he did it or how it works.

When I hooked it up, all I got was 260 channels of snow — which is great if you like snow. Being born in Georgia and living here all of my life, snow is something I’m not really too fond of, even if it’s in HD.

Fortunately, thanks to The Boy, we have a fantastic picture with 1080 pixels with no snow. And all this time I thought a pixel was that little imp that flies around Peter Pan. Now we have 1080 of them caught in our television. New technology is so cool.

Electron stuff is ever changing, and keeping up with the latest gizmos can be quite the daunting task. Luckily, I learned a long time ago that I don’t need to know how all those myriad of devices work. All I have to know is the phone number of the person that does. And that would be The Boy – but I digress.

This story is about my new invention, summertime comfy pants, not how useful The Boy has become. That’s a story for another time.

When summertime temperatures hit and the humidity is so high it makes the simple act of breathing even difficult, sweatpants can no longer be considered comfy attire. In the past, I’ve set aside my comfy pants until cooler fall temperatures, but not any longer. Like most great inventions, my summertime comfy pants were discovered by accident.

During my extended convalescence from shoulder surgery, I had the use of only one arm for months. Just getting dressed every morning was a huge undertaking. The only pants I could wear were pajama bottoms. They were easy to pull on, easy to tie and, most importantly, they were lightweight — perfect now for my summertime comfy pants.

And unlike regular comfy pants, they can even be worn out in public and no one will know that they are pajama bottoms. All I just had to do was sew up the fly. Yes, real men aren’t afraid to sew.

When I displayed my new summertime comfy pants to The Wife, she smiled and said, “Too bad you don’t wear dresses. A short dress in the summer is the most comfortable thing you can wear.”

A male comfy dress. Now there’s an idea.