Teens are stupid

Now, hear me out. I’m not talking about GPAs or SAT scores. Those have very little to do with it. And I’m not talking about just PTree City or Fayette Co. And yes, this is a generalization.

However, it is a developmental issue that applies everywhere. Teens have been through 9 to 12 years of school. They look like adults. They think they know everything (not realizing most people learn something every day until they die). Anyway, now they have all the answers. However, they also still have the developmental maturity of children who think the world revolves around them. Their hometown, whether it is PTC, NYC, or the tiniest of rural communities, is “boring.” They can’t wait to get out to college, to the “big city,” to the coast, to another country – anywhere else. No teen is satisfied with their current situation – parents beware of those who are, they will never move out.

With the vast sum of 16 years of life experience, teens facing issues that could be a problem for the next year or two only see it as a huge percentage of their lives. But it’s only a huge percentage of their lives so far. They just have no perspective. And of course, no one understands them. They can’t conceive that their parents and teachers faced similar issues – drugs, teen sexuality/pregnancy, bad grades or the pressures to get good ones. Peer pressure to conform, dress like everyone, drive the right car.

Guess what? None of these are new issues. The type of drug/car/jeans may have changed over the last 40 years, but the basic issues haven’t.

So now we come to this really tragic rash of suicides. There will always be those adults who have overcome the basic instinct for self preservation due to a serious mental disturbance. It is very sad for the individual who felt so hopeless, and for the wounded family and friends left behind to cope with the “what ifs”.

It’s even worse with a teen, because he or she has so much possibility and so much (presumably) life left ahead of them, and they can become so focused on what is wrong, or “I’ll show them”, not recognizing that time and help can overcome just about anything they encounter at that age. Unfortunately, it appears they also become very unoriginal when these things begin happening in streaks. Teens also appear have a herd mentality – they all want to be original and buck the system – in the same way.

My personal, and somewhat cynical, assessment is that the “what can we do to make their lives better, less boring, more active” mentality is a contributing factor. From a very early age, kids expect to be entertained – sports, events, TV. Everything has to be fun all the time.

Here is another news flash – life isn’t always fun, or entertaining, or self affirming, or any of those other warm fuzzy things we give our kids all the time these days. And sometimes, a boring day for an adult is a nice break from dealing with aging or dying parents, a critically ill child, job stress or the threat of company layoffs, paying bills, and running the kids to all the “fun” stuff that has been scheduled for them.

Once upon a time, it was ok for parents to make their kids a little bit afraid of them – when the worst thing that could happen was for mom and dad to find out. Quite a deterrent for a lot of unproductive choices and behavior.

As I said, teens are stupid - they make stupid choices and have a skewed perspective, even in the "bubble" of PTree City. The only cure is time and experience. And parents.

So, parents – keep in mind – your job is not to give your kids a fun childhood or teenhood. It is to raise productive adults. The teen years are just a rest stop along the last leg of the journey.

And teens – be really original. Consider that someone older than you might have had some similar experiences, and might have a little more perspective than you do. This would actually be a first based on any encounter I’ve ever had with a teen, including being one. Remember that this will pass, whatever this is, and will be manageable within a week, month, or year. Ask for help if you need it – from a parent, a friend, a counselor, a minister. And most of all, don’t be sucked into a suicide streak that will make the final and permanent statement about you – that you were terminally stupid.

teens

Submitted by Jeff in Fayetteville on Thu, 02/09/2006 - 12:32am.

I am 21 y/o and for the most part (bout 98%) on your letter i totally agree. I faced it all but made it through fine. Its hard to believe some kids/teens cant make it through.

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Good letter, Pandora

Submitted by mudcat on Fri, 02/10/2006 - 6:48am.

I hope you are using the word stupid as a substitute for inexperienced and probably just for the shock value, but you are exactly right. I think where our generation (baby boomers) lost control as parents was when we wanted to become our kid's best friend and did so by buying them things - starting with unhealthy and high calorie fast food (which saves us the trouble of actully cooking in the kitchen and eating as a family in the dining room) and eventually buying them cars when they turn 16.

You are right, parenting is the job of preparing kids to be adults and being an adult is full of the same feelings of peer pressure and fitting in that teens experience. It so is easy to say "live with it - things will get better" and its easier still to become immersed in your job, travel or tennis and ignore your kids. What is hard is to be there for them every day and create values and a support system that actually does prepare them for adulthood.

All this stuff about Peachtree City being the best place to raise kids (honest, the AJC said so this AM) is only true on paper - meaning we have lot's of infastructure and recreational opportunities. Sadly parents make the decision to move here because of those programs and infastructure and (immediately for some and eventually for others) decide to quit parenting because Peachtree City's many advantages will raise their kids for them.

Sad, but true. I could name names on this one, but I am guilty as well.
meow

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