young girls and rape
I was sixteen when my first sexual experience occurred. It was rape, i would realize as an adult, but as a sixteen year old girl, i could not say that. I had gone off with my cousin and my brother. My cousin was older, and we looked up to her, as teens usually do when someone is older but still a teen. She had bought some alcohol and we all drank it. The thing grownups forget about being a teen is that teens want to fit in, be cool, and they will follow others to do so.
My cousin and brother left me at the quarry we were at, with two of my cousin's older male friends. My state of mind at the time: insecure, wanting to fit in, and so drunk, i could not sit straight up. Most girls enjoy kissing, and a male's attention, so being new to all that was quite flattering. No one had ever kissed me, or flattered me, and as for sex, i intended to save myself for marriage. I didnt know much about guys, and when his advances became too much, i told him no. But, i could not fight him off. I had too much alcohol, and lay there looking off into space, shocked at what was occuring.
But, when my cousin and brother came back, i did not tell them it was rape. I told them i had lost my virginity, to feel the waters with the cousin i admired. She was of course, proud, so i stayed with the story that i chose to lose my virginity.
But, what happened to me next, is probably similar to the feelings this sixteen year old felt. I could not tell my parents...i was at fault for drinking. But, i began hating myself, for losing something i considered so precious...my virginity. I dont know if girls today treasure it, but back then, they did. I began drinking more heavily, doing drugs, and yes, having sex. Pregnant, by seventeen, and very confused about sexuality. I had always believed love and sex went hand in hand, but, that belief was shattered that night. I was consumed by my hidden shame, and drowning my pain with sex, alcohol and drugs. It took ten years to recover, and that one incident began the whole downward spiral.
Girls, you are worth so much more than any sexual experience will ever give you. Please, if you have had sex with or without your consent, understand that it is affecting you. I had to get sober to understand all the ramifications of that one night, and when i finally called that act rape, i began healing. It seems to me that this young lady, may have had some of the same things happen to her...promiscuity for one, if she really is.
Mothers, realize your daughters will not want to disappoint you with their actions, and will hide them. Daughters, realize your mothers are women too. It may take a moment for some of us to reconnect with our teen age years, but, it wasnt easy for any of us either. And becoming an adult doesnt change your risk of being sexually assaulted, it only changes your perspective. Those of you spouting off about the girl...i hope you dont have daughters. They will never be able to tell you anything, or ask for your help, in fear of your judgement.
To young women: Stop letting guys use you. Reclaim your body, and just say no. You will not be cool, or popular, but you will be glad when you realize after you graduate, none of that even matters. All that matters is YOU. You alone will decide who you become, so become fabulous, for yourself.
Guys: if a young girl finds the courage to say no to you(it isnt easy, with the pressure ya'll can put on us), and you do not stop, you are committing rape. No matter how you decide to color it, if she said no, that is what you did. If she cannot find the words at sixteen to say it, realize what you are doing will affect the rest of her life. If you find yourself with a young lady, and you become aroused, you are at risk of putting both of you in danger. Think!
Adults: realize our inattention to the world we were creating for these kids, has created the idea that sex is ok. Your child is at risk, so talk to them, not just about the basics, but remember what it felt like to be them, and talk to them from that place of insecurity and unknowing, instead of from our adult perspective. Tell your boys, no means no. Treasure you girls, so they will not feel the need to find it somewhere else.
If you want to do something for the young man who was sentenced, pray for his safety. For his change. For his spirit.
May the families involved find peace.
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