Dating Advice for Young Christian Men

Dr. Charles Anderson PhD's picture

By Dr. Charles Anderson, B.A., M.A., D.D., LL.D., Ph.D.

They say that every year, when spring is in the air, a young man’s heart turns to love. In my own case, the warmer weather each year turned my thoughts to the elimination of jock itch.

But as I look around the Wahoo campus, the attraction of what the French call amore’ is unmistakable. I want to offer some advice to young Christian men on how to glorify the Lord with your dating.

Of course, the general guiding principle is always to ask, What would Jesus do? Neither the synoptics nor John say a great deal to lead us to believe that Jesus ever actually went on a date. But we might still use our biblically disciplined imaginations to apply the WWJD principle to dating.

What you must first be aware of is your own God-given glandular system that is more than capable of taking sexuality out of the merely academic realm and turning it into a living, breathing, undulating beast that can possess your craving loins and send you into a frenzied, gadarenian headlong rush to intercourse until you find yourself utterly satiated and ashamed.

The key is never to activate this system. And it is with this in mind that I recommend that any form of physical contact be kept to a minimum.

Handholding, often thought to be an innocent gesture of puppy love with no serious sexual overtones, is like playing with dynamite. It is widely known that the hands contain several erogenous areas which, if touched in a certain way (e.g., lingeringly, longingly, the index finger suggestively stroking the palm of the hand), are capable of triggering both the male and female libidos to ruinous ends.

I do not recommend handholding—especially on a first date. If you must hold hands, sturdy leather gloves should be worn by both parties.

Further, for the duration of such contact, it is highly advisable that the two of you look straight ahead, being careful to avoid eye contact. Eye and physical contact experienced simultaneously can prove to be a sensual overload, and together they have caused more than a few saints to drop their frocks in reckless abandon.

Kissing is particularly perilous. We all know that there are different kinds of kissing. The Bible speaks of a holy kiss with which the saints are to greet one another.

Kisses exchanged among family members, typically on the cheek, do not normally pose any threat of arousal. (One noteworthy exception to this is my aunt Brenda who would return from New Jersey for brief family visits.)

Usually, though, when we think of kissing on a date, it is a full-on, face-to-face kiss on the lips. When this happens, and your bodies are pressed together and you are wrapped in each other’s arms in a loving embrace, Satan is crouching like a waiting lion, seeking whom he may devour!

It is at such moments that you become desperately aware of every subtle curve of her body. Her breathing has become irregular. Her mouth is open. She melts into your arms, languid and expectant, and hoping that you realize that the next move is yours. Thoughts of God suddenly seem distant and remote--a mere abstraction. Your ministerial ambitions seem alien. You lay your Bible aside, and from then on it is carpe diem! Seizing the day, you discard all that you value.

I trust that you will heed this advice and exercise the greatest caution and prudence as you encounter the gentler sex.

(Used by permission of the author and the Wahoo Weekly)

[In addition to several other degrees, Dr. Charles Anderson holds the Ph.D. in Bible from Internet Users' International University. He is the author of Vacation Bible School Can Be Fun!, and is Professor of Bible at Wahoo Bible College, Wahoo Falls.]

Dr. Charles Anderson PhD's blog | login to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
mapleleaf's picture
Submitted by mapleleaf on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 5:58pm.

Now this was fun reading. You learn so much from this site.

TonyF's picture
Submitted by TonyF on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 1:23pm.

or is it me?

What the heck was THAT?

"Your, yore, you're all idiots." (T.Floyd)

dawn69's picture
Submitted by dawn69 on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 1:40am.

I don't know, Tony, but I think maybe the good doctor of God is pretty 'aggravated' with sodomy himself.

Could it be.......Satan?

At first, I thought,"Maybe this guy is pulling our leg. He must be joking, right?". But then I realized how thick his glasses are and that at some point in life, he has driven himself blind - get my drift?

I wonder if he should try a new church. Like maybe one that advocates sex EVERY day.Laughing out loud

I must say, he does have an awful lot of letters after his name!

TonyF's picture
Submitted by TonyF on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 6:21am.

What did Dana C. call her dance? I forget, but those may have been the last, great days of SNL.
btw: I stopped at the point when I only needed contact lenses.

"Your, yore, you're all idiots." (T.Floyd)

ptcgv's picture
Submitted by ptcgv on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 1:54pm.

Turn up the Floyd will you? I need to drown out the STRANGE voices in my head.


TonyF's picture
Submitted by TonyF on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 6:18am.

"there is no dark side of the moon, matter of fact, it's all dark"

"Your, yore, you're all idiots." (T.Floyd)

Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 4:22pm.

picture above?

Oh my gosh..... it is!!
Caution - The Surgeon General has determined that constant blogging is an addiction that can cause a sedentary life style.

dawn69's picture
Submitted by dawn69 on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 1:35am.

I think the doctor of abstinence would seriously frown upon your leather chaps.Smiling

Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 7:29am.

Do ya think.

BTW, his picture might make it as an avatar. Smiling
Caution - The Surgeon General has determined that constant blogging is an addiction that can cause a sedentary life style.

Mike King's picture
Submitted by Mike King on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 2:35pm.

Maybe Bonker$ will let us know which of his personalities listed Wahoo in their Classmates bio.

Submitted by Bonkers on Mon, 12/01/2008 - 3:57pm.

I know the good doctor! He is a very truthful fellow.

I suggest you contact him to advise the Lords of PTC about the budget.

He will tell them that not only will they need the money they think they do (they know better) but will need 2-3 times that much!

You know some towns and cities in the last great depression laid off half to two-thirds of their employees and the Kudzoo and other stuff grew 40 feer tall! Pensions were chopped! Even military!

All the pay the Chief of Police and the County Sheriff got was a promise of a gold watch, free visits to the county nurse, and all the fines they could generate offn yankees travelin!

A few stills were raided, but not many--- we needed that juice.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.