Congressman Westmoreland, it has come to my attention that our highly motivated Congress is on the verge of sending an additional $25 billion to Detroit to assist the automobile industry. This is in addition to the $25 billion our representatives have already decided to give this now floundering industry. I have not read what your position is on this generous offer, but please allow me to offer a bit of insight into this plan.

To begin let me say from the outset that I am all for it. In fact, I can find no sane reason to oppose sending $50 billion of the taxpayers’ money to Detroit to help the needy auto industry. In fact, I think we might ought to send them an additional $25 billion just to show we really care. I think Oprah would appreciate such a sentiment.

I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I help others, especially when I do it with the taxpayers’ money. You see, since I am in the real estate business in general and the home-building business in particular, I no longer pay income tax, since I don’t have any income for the government to tax. This brings me to my next point.

Since we are helping the less fortunate, I think we should also help me. Not being a selfish person, please understand that I also want the government to help all the other poor souls who are living in real estate or home-building purgatory (if this were not a family paper I would use the word hell but you get the point).

I had my crack staff do some figuring, and we have come up with a plan which is, I must admit, based on the outline of what our outstanding Congress is planning to do. True, our plan is not original, but it is very good. Some might even say it is great.

Now it is my understanding that our Congress is going to give away all this money because the auto industry is too big to fail. Well, the home-building industry is bigger than the auto industry, and as I said, we have already pretty much failed.

So since we are a lot bigger and we have already failed, we probably need a lot more money. Do you follow my logic?

Following this train of thought, if almost failed needs $75 billion, then already done failed probably needs $150 billion or more. It’s harder to get up after you have tripped and fallen than when you are just going to trip in a few minutes, if you get my drift.

And Congress says that the reason the auto industry is too big to fail is because they employ so many workers. That is a very, very good point.

Again, I put my highly trained staff together, and they found that the home-building industry is exactly 15.103 times bigger than the automobile industry.

Having found this out for sure, we calculated that about $2.250 trillion should be exactly what we need to get us up and running again.

In Detroit, they must really be trying to sell all the cars they have because I understood from the media that even though the presidents of GM, Ford, and Chrysler are in the business of making cars, they couldn’t spare even one to drive to Washington to ask for their bailout. So, being the ingenious people they are, they broke down and just flew their jets. It was very important to let Congress know how poor they really are.

Well, we home-builders, too, are trying to move everything we have in inventory. If you notice, more and more of us builders are giving our homes back to the banks to see if they can do a better job than us in selling them. In fact, I am thinking of changing the name of my company from Steve Enterkin Homes to Bank Owned. That would probably help sales from what I see. But I digress.

Back to the money: Lynn, I do not know how you plan to spread the wealth in Detroit. They seem like nice folks and would probably take your check without any problem. Again, me and my highly trained expert staff mulled the money distribution problem over for the home-builders and decided that either a check or direct deposit will work just fine.

Don’t bother with hiring all those bureaucrats to mess stuff up like you did after Katrina. Just pass the bill and send the money straight to us. We can mess things up pretty well without Washington’s help.

Please feel free to call if you need any more ideas on how to spread the wealth. With all that money up in Washington, I imagine it taxes the brain trying to figure out just exactly how to spend it all.

But I must give you credit: Congress always does manage to find a way. And remember, Lynn, if you ever run short of ideas, I am available. Heaven knows I got nothing else to do.

P.S. Urgent update — Word has it Lynn is against the bailout. Please contact him immediately and explain how good he will feel after he gives away all that money.

Steve Enterkin

Fayetteville, Ga.