Romance ruled by committee

It would behoove all you men to thoroughly understand one thing: we women normally conduct our romances by committee.

That is to say that if you tickle one of us with a special notion, you’ve tickled all of us. On the other hand, if you tick off one of us, the entire committee is ticked off. One man, unbeknownst to him, is often dating two or more women. Every date followed by the situations that ensue are brought before the committee and properly discussed.

I had dated a guy several times. This in itself is newsworthy. I’m usually a once or twice dater. Extraordinarily, I had been out with this guy a few times. Common courtesy dictates that a man should touch base within a couple of days after a date. It doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship. It just signifies manners. This time he didn’t call.

Now, I have a strong self-esteem so I never think it’s anything I did wrong. I immediately cast the blame in the guy’s direction. Ten days after the date – which, by the way, had taken a good bit of effort on my part – and a trip out of town for him, he emailed. I called Karen.

“I got an email from him.” I read it to her.

“What are you going to do?”

“Uh! We have already agreed that I’m not going to reply. Remember?”

“Yeah, but.” She paused for a second. “Well, you’re right. Don’t. What are you gonna do if he emails again?”

“Then, I’ll call you and we’ll discuss the next step.”

All over America, this happens every day. Rarely, does a woman make a decision – after the first date, that is – without the combined consent of her trusted committee. A guy, on the other hand, never even mentions to another guy that he has a date. But I have noticed that if a man ever runs into romantic trouble and a woman has snagged his heart, he will go to the appropriate sources for advice. He’ll call another woman.

That’s because we have outstanding experience in romantic strategies. In the war of love, we’re five-star generals.

I unfortunately dated someone who was a disaster, the kind you cringe over every time it crosses your mind. One night, he pulled an outrageous scene. The committee was quick to vote for execution while I was still reeling from the shock and couldn’t think clearly.

I obeyed. See, you have to have a dependable committee, one you know will always have your best interests at heart so that even when you’re brain-numb, they will make the right decision for you. On this particular occasion, the committee was relentless in their judgment.

“Stay away from him!” intoned each one in emphatic tones. I’m a team player so what my team says, goes. So, he went.

A few months later, when he innovatively tried to make in-roads back, the committee sympathetically gave him points for creativity but their judgment remained written in stone: No second chances for this one. I concurred.

Now I’m quite capable of deciding with whom I go out the first time. No need for committee on that. But after the first date, the committee convenes and from then on, we’re all dating him. Though he thinks he’s only dating one gal, he actually romancing a whole passel of us. And we’re not just any kind of gals. We’re Southern girls. We’re the toughest ones because we have inordinately high expectations.

It isn’t that we’re incompetent in running our romances. On the contrary. We’ve watched as corporations, politics and non-profits were successfully run by committees, many formed by the opposite sex. The Declaration of Independence was written by an all-male committee and the National Football League and Major League Baseball established by others.

We learned to rule by committee by male example. I suspect, though, they never expected it to be used against them.

[Ronda Rich is the best-selling author of “What Southern Women Know About Flirting” and “The Town That Came A-Courtin’.” She lives near Gainesville, Ga. Sign up for her newsletter at www.rondarich.com.]

LOL Rhonda

Submitted by JeffC on Thu, 06/12/2008 - 10:00am.

"But after the first date, the committee convenes and from then on, we’re all dating him. Though he thinks he’s only dating one gal, he actually romancing a whole passel of us."

Yeah guys, try dating/romancing the whole committee. See how far that gets you!

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Romance by Committee

Submitted by AtHomeGym on Thu, 06/12/2008 - 9:33am.

What a crock! No wonder your dates are limited to onesies & twosies. As I approach my a40th year of married life, I'm entirely comfortable that there were two people and two only involved in our courtship--which spanned several continents and more than 5 years. May you eventually find a mate that is acceptable to you and you alone and you find it comfortable to make that decision without outside intervention. Trust that funny feeling in your tummy--it's the real deal!

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Ronda Rich, grow up please.

Submitted by Main Stream on Tue, 06/10/2008 - 9:38pm.

"It would behoove all you men to thoroughly understand one thing: we women normally conduct our romances by committee."

"Sex and the City", southern style I suppose. Ronda must be the Samantha of her dating committee.

"Every date followed by the situations that ensue are brought before the committee and properly discussed."

What man in his right mind would date this woman?

"Now, I have a strong self-esteem so I never think it’s anything I did wrong."

Of course, you would NEVER think that it would be your gold-digging, self-absorbed personality being the reason he didn't call you back. Bless your heart, as they say in the south.

"I immediately cast the blame in the guy’s direction."

This is the reason you are approaching middle-age and STILL single. You always blame the guy.

"Ten days after the date – which, by the way, had taken a good bit of effort on my part – and a trip out of town for him, he emailed. I called Karen.

“I got an email from him.” I read it to her.

“What are you going to do?”

“Uh! We have already agreed that I’m not going to reply. Remember?”

That's right. Continue to play those high-schoolish games with men. How's that been working for you?

"All over America, this happens every day."

What world are you living in?? Oh, that's right... Ronda's world.

"Rarely, does a woman make a decision – after the first date, that is – without the combined consent of her trusted committee."

You give women a bad name. No wonder men think we're all conniving and manipulative - grow up!

"I unfortunately dated someone who was a disaster, the kind you cringe over every time it crosses your mind. One night, he pulled an outrageous scene. The committee was quick to vote for execution while I was still reeling from the shock and couldn’t think clearly."

I thought you had HIGH self-esteem? Why do you need to consult with your dang committee of hens to make a decision about a man?!

"I obeyed.

Yup, that's being a really strong woman, Ronda.

"A few months later, when he innovatively tried to make in-roads back, the committee sympathetically gave him points for creativity but their judgment remained written in stone: No second chances for this one. I concurred."

That man is SO lucky he escaped from your claws!

"But after the first date, the committee convenes and from then on, we’re all dating him. Though he thinks he’s only dating one gal, he actually romancing a whole passel of us."

I pity the man who dates you and your gal pals.

"And we’re not just any kind of gals. We’re Southern girls.

I know plenty of southern women and they are NOTHING like this. They love and respect men and don't play stupid games.

"We’re the toughest ones because we have inordinately high expectations."

No, you have unrealistic expecations and demands from men. Stay single, please and stop punishing these poor boys.

"We learned to rule by committee by male example. I suspect, though, they never expected it to be used against them."

Wow, the war between the sexes continues in your feeble mind. Keep it up Ronda. At this rate, you may find Mr. Right by the time they wheel you over to the nursing home.

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Me thinks

Submitted by Spyglass on Wed, 06/11/2008 - 9:33am.

You take things WAY too seriously.

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Main: Here is the big difference between women and men....

Submitted by AF A-10 on Tue, 06/10/2008 - 10:26pm.

I would have NEVER EVER read any of this if you had not blogged about it. I saw your post and figured "Ronda Rich" was the new persona of BPR or Denise Conners. After reading this by subterfuge and coersion, I can tell you that this woman strikes me as someone who will scare men away for her forseeable future; not that there is anything at all wrong with that.

Cheers,

Kevin "Hack" King

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