For those deaf, dumb, and blind
Everything in the world is wonderful right now, If it were going any better, I wouldn't be able to stand it!
The country is out of debt, most families owe nothing except a little on their homes, everyone goes to the local Baptist church three times a week, and all is well.
Most of us are real smart and can brag about it all of the time, since everyone else feels pretty much the same way.
All of our children are above average (hard to do since that then would be average).
The consumption of alcohol has doubled per person recently due to the finding that that is why the Italians and French are healthier than we used to be.
The new "positive" attitude that everyone now has eliminates the necessity of being concerned about wars our government may start, or if the banks may fail again, or if we run out of food, or get poisoned by China--it is NOT going to happen, you hear?
All of the earth will soon be one religion--of one faith. Heaven is currently being expanded and the only shortage is the gold for the new street paving.
St. Peter has been laid off, unfortunately. Not needed---no gate even.
The last negative speaking people were destroyed recently, and Positivity is now the most popular degree at Brigham Young University.
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