I click when I walk

Father David Epps's picture

I click when I walk. It’s a bit odd, but I’m getting used to it. It’s better than the alternative.

I had been falling quite a bit — enough to alarm one of my sons, who suggested that I might want to sell my house and move into a ground-level dwelling that would eliminate stairs.

I was worried about it, too. There have been a number of times over the years where I have stepped off a curb only to crash, much to my public embarrassment, in the middle of the street or parking lot.

I also slipped down a few stairs over the past year. The worst moment was when I was carrying a wooden step-ladder in front of me and fell off the top step and headed for the bottom.

I knew there was no way to avoid landing on the ladder so I braced myself for the sudden impact. No bones were broken but I lay there alone in the house for half an hour before climbing off the ladder separating me from the floor. That incident took more than a few days to achieve recovery.

When I slipped off the platform at church one Sunday and slammed into the floor during Holy Communion in front of God and everybody, I decided it was time to get checked out.

I hadn’t been feeling dizzy. There were no black-outs. I didn’t think it was a lack of coordination. I was puzzled. However, with age approaching like a runaway train and knowing that falls can lead to dire consequences, it was time to seek help.

I had a hunch. I have always worn down my shoes on the outside. In fact, as I have gotten older, I seem to wear out shoes at an unusual pace.

I remembered that, even in high school, the football cleats would wear down more quickly on the outside of the shoes than anywhere else. As I went through my closet and inspected my shoes, sure enough, the wear was most significant on the outside.

Even my Marine Corps boots from Parris Island, which I still have and which I haven’t worn since I was discharged, were worn down on the outside of the heels and soles.

So, I made an appointment with a podiatrist, a foot specialist.

After looking at my feet and ankles, asking a number of questions, and taking a battery of X-rays, the doctor informed me that both of the heel bones in my feet were malformed. Whereas, they should have been straight, they tilted inward. The condition was obvious on the X–rays.

That, coupled with the excessive wear on the outside of the shoes, made it far more likely that I was susceptible to frequent falls.

It was, he said, a condition I was born with and actually may have served me well in my football and karate days. Now, however, it was dangerous.

“So, what do we do about this?” I asked.

“There are two things we can do,” he said. “One option is surgery.”

I was afraid of that. In my mind I could imagine my heels being broken, re-set, life in two casts, followed by a painful regimen of physical therapy. Added to that would be the confinement, the restriction, and, of course, the pain. Pain is not my friend.

“You said there are two things?” I inquired.

“Yes, he said, “the second option is that you buy new shoes more often.”

He explained that with newer shoes my foot didn’t tend to roll over and cause me to drop to the pavement but, with worn shoes, I was far more likely to fall and be injured.

“Hmmm,” I pondered, “pay thousands of dollars, endure a painful surgery in both feet, go through rehab, and be sidelined for weeks or months or just buy new shoes more often.”

I opted for solution number two. The doctor, bless him, thought it was the best choice for me.

I asked him about “taps,” those metal devices that tap dancers wear to make the distinctive sound of foot against the floor. I suggested that the taps might result in the shoes lasting longer since the metal would have to wear out before the leather would begin to wear. The doctor said it was worth a try.

So, at a shoe repair business in Tyrone, I had metal taps installed on the outside of my heels for the princely sum of $3 per pair.

So, now I click when I walk. It sounds a bit like a storm trooper slamming his heels to the pavement. Once in a while, people will look at me funny.

But my shoes are lasting much longer than they ever have and I haven’t fallen since. Not a bad deal for three bucks!

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Submitted by dollaradayandfound on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 3:32pm.

You sure are a strange dude, but if I were you I would also see an orthopedist in addition to the foot doctor.
Taps went out in 1949, I think it was.
Some of the women nurses at our hospitals must wear them however as I was awakened forty times once in a stay there by the incessant noise. May have been "heels."
You will be thought even stranger!

Tug13's picture
Submitted by Tug13 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:14pm.

dollar, how do you think of all this stuff??
Never mind.

Smiling


Submitted by dollaradayandfound on Wed, 07/18/2007 - 10:19am.

Experience!!!!!! I think of things due to experience and an open mind. (Not skull, mind).
Icouldn't believe all those Nurses at the hospital wanted to awaken everyone all night, so they could "click."
Maybe the Insurance companies wanted them to wear noise makers to get rid of us?
Either that or they have a bunch of dumb supervisors.
Nurses are scarce apparently, may be the reason they can do such things. We don't like to work nights, week-ends, holidays, anymore, don't have to do so!

Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:18pm.

That was good. I'm rolling on the floor!!!!


Git Real's picture
Submitted by Git Real on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:23pm.

Well done Cyclist! Is that a shopping cart you're riding in?

**** GIT REAL TOUGH ON CRIME ****

"That man was Griffin Judicial Circuit District Attorney Scott Ballard".

CLICK HERE FOR THE REST OF THE STORY


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:31pm.

It's a tricycle. The site where I stolen it from said it was Arnold the Swartz. Sorry I took so long in responding. Had to recover from laughing so hard!!! You're all in league beyond me tonight. I think I might sit back and watch.


Tug13's picture
Submitted by Tug13 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:42pm.

I got it right! Shopping cart?? lol


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:44pm.

And your prize is a day with IDRIVESOFAST.


Tug13's picture
Submitted by Tug13 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:48pm.

I stayed out of that one. Smiling

What's second prize? Git can have first. Smiling


hutch866's picture
Submitted by hutch866 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:50pm.

maybe an hour with dollar

I yam what I yam...Popeye


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:51pm.

hell, we think alike!!!


hutch866's picture
Submitted by hutch866 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:55pm.

Check ya'll later, I'm off to shoot darts and slam down some beer, or is that slam darts and shoot beers, oh well after the first hour it's all the same. Have a good evening.

I yam what I yam...Popeye


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:58pm.

Darting under the influence. See you tomorrow.


Cyclist's picture
Submitted by Cyclist on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:50pm.

a day with $.


hutch866's picture
Submitted by hutch866 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:53pm.

what's the loser get 2 days with dollar?

I yam what I yam...Popeye


Tug13's picture
Submitted by Tug13 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 8:47pm.

I give my prize to hutch. Have fun. Smiling


Tug13's picture
Submitted by Tug13 on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 7:29pm.

Smiling


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