Building a long haul marriage

George Gilbert said, “Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering!”

Milton Berle said, “Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

Henny Youngman said, “The secret of a happy marriage is a secret.”

Or is it? We live in a day in which the American family is still plagued by the disappointment of divorce, yet one recent study revealed that the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970. One reason? More couples are living together without the commitment of marriage. Another is an intentional effort to strengthen marriages and the determination to make marriages work.

Making marriage work requires hard work. One man commented, “My wife and I have the secret to making our marriage last. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a good meal and some meaningful companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.”

Studies have shown that marriages that last have some common characteristics. For instance, many people realize that marriage is more than a “crap shoot.” It’s a divine institution with a sacred nature. God created the first marriage when He put Adam and Eve together in the garden of Eden. God created the home before He created the church, and He designed marriage to be exclusive, permanent and intimate.

Gary Chapman wåçrote in The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, “The supreme purpose of marriage is the union of two individuals at the deepest possible level and in all areas, which in turn brings the greatest possible sense of fulfillment to the couple and at the same time serves best the purposes of God for their lives.

“This unity is to encompass all of life. It is not simply a physical relationship. Nor is it simply the giving and receiving of emotional support. It is rather the total union of two lives on the intellectual, social, spiritual, emotional and physical levels.”

Marriage is something special because God designed marriage to be something special. However, not everyone takes marriage as seriously as God intended.

According to the History Channel, in 1999, a man from Tennessee filed a marriage license to marry his Ford Mustang. On the marriage license, he listed his future wife’s hometown as Detroit, his future father-in-law as Henry Ford, and his wife’s blood type as 10W40. His license was denied.

Another quality found in long haul marriages is commitment. Commitment to the divine institution of marriage, commitment to God and commitment to one another. That rock-solid determination to stick-it-out and make it work requires not only hard work, but also commitment. Wayne and Carol Sutton live in Oklahoma and work in the petroleum industry. Their state has sponsored marriage workshops designed to enrich marriages and reduce the divorce rate. They have attended several sessions and feel they’ve benefited.

“This was a way to gain some insight,” said Wayne. “They tell you to regenerate the closeness you had when you got married. We’re like any marriage. We’ve had rocky periods and cloud nine periods. We decided a long time ago we’re not going to desert each other. We were going to stay together no matter what.” That’s commitment.

The maturing marriage discovers another principle that helps make a long haul marriage. The husband and wife each put the other’s needs before his or her own, and approach the relationship with a servant spirit. They don’t say, “It’s all about me,” but “How can I serve my spouse today?” That servant principle goes a long way to enrich the marriage.

Another quality that helps build the long term marriage is having realistic expectations. With all the make-believe that Hollywood throws at us these days, it’s easy to have unrealistic expectations. In fact, sometimes people marry a set of expectations rather than a person.

I heard about a woman who was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon an unusual old lamp. She picked it up, rubbed it and a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was entitled to three wishes.

The genie said, “No, due to inflation, downsizing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So what will it be?”

The woman didn’t hesitate. “I want peace in the middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting each other.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, Good grief, lady, these countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but I’m not that good. Make another wish.”

So the woman thought for a moment and said, “Well, I’ve never been aåble to find the right man. One that’s considerate and fun, that likes to cook, and helps with the housecleaning. Is good to me and gets along with my family, doesn’t golf or watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That’s what I wish for.”

The genie pondered her request, let out a long sigh, and said, “Let me see that map again.”

Some marriages are strained because we have such unrealistic expectations. Long haul marriages are made of two imperfect people who have decided they desire to keep working and learning and persevering year after year to build a long haul marriage.

David Chancey - a question for you about equality.

Submitted by Mixer on Sun, 07/01/2007 - 11:54am.

Speaking on equality:

If the choir member was asked to leave, why wasn't the piano player?

If WWII had been covered by the Modern Media: Great Video

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Deleted Duplicate

Submitted by Mixer on Sun, 07/01/2007 - 11:53am.

Deleted duplicate message.

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