Passing on getting in new Cosmo

The voice mail was simple, straight-forward and one of those lovely surprises that I much prefer over the ones like, “I’m calling from your accountant’s office. Please call immediately,” or “This is your plumber and I’ve got some bad news.”

This voice mail, though, was nice and promised of even nicer things to come. A staff writer from Cosmopolitan magazine, the single girl’s guide to the world of dating and relationships, was calling to ask for an interview pertaining to my book about flirtation as practiced by the women of the South.

As is usual, I was swamped with work but put everything on the back burner to make the interview top priority. I well knew that a good feature in Cosmo could put my book immediately on the New York Times best-selling list, a spot I’ve long coveted.

The writer and I chatted while she explained that she was on deadline and that she needed some of my best tips on Southern flirtation. “Give me five minutes to flip through the book and I’ll call you back,” I promised.

In retrospect, the tips I offered were no doubt mundane for the magazine brought to national prominence by renowned editor Helen Gurley Brown, author of “Sex and The Single Girl,” but the writer asked for tips on how Southern women flirt and that’s what I gave her.

Turns out that this particular New York magazine isn’t interested in virtuous, subtly feminine flirtatious tactics, only overtly promiscuous ones.

“Listen,” the writer began when she called me back a few days later. “I loved the stuff you gave me but my editor sent it back to me. She wants you to sex it up a bit, make it edgier.”

She then suggested a blatant example to which I responded only after I pulled my jaw up from the floor. There was a decision to make and it had to be made quickly.

I squeezed my eyes together tightly and tried to force from my vision the beautiful sight of the New York Times list, which I knew I was about to throw to the ground as my proverbial gauntlet.

“I can’t do that,” I responded, punctuating the words with a deep sigh.

“You can’t?” She was incredulous. There probably aren’t many ambitious authors who turn down such a golden opportunity to sell lots of books and have a solid shot at the most prestigious best-seller list of all. My heart, not fully in agreement with my words, dropped sadly into my stomach.

“I’m sorry. I know this means losing the piece and all the good things that will come with that, but I can’t sell out my sisterhood. My book is about the flirtatious techniques of Southern women and how we use the full measure of our feminine wiles to allure and attract. It’s about flirting with charm, intelligence and wit, not taking the easy route of sexual extremeness. I can’t give you what you want because that’s not what we do. It would be dishonest.”

It was her turn to sigh heavily. “Well, okay, I understand. Thank you very much.”

My friends congratulated me on taking the high road but it was unearned praise. I simply did the right thing and, as Daddy used to say, “No one deserves braggin’ on for doin’ what they oughta be doin’ in the first place.”

If the Seinfeld crew was right and everything does even out, then a spot on that list will come along anyway. Some day. In the right way.

Well done!

Submitted by Italiangirl106 on Thu, 04/05/2007 - 10:11am.

Ms. Rich,
I recently acquired a copy of "What Southern Women Know" and I think it's fantastic. I am from Portland Oregon and have never lived in the South, but I am drawn to its charms. When I read your column about passing on getting into Cosmo, all I could think was, "well done!" You shouldn't change your advice on flirting to "sex" up a story and betray your readers. The reason your book appealed to me over others is that it is good advice for ladies, and not embarrassing or overt in a society that is obsessed with blatant sexual references and deplorable manners. Ladies with class, charm and intelligence have all but faded from the media. I'm so glad you stayed true to who you are. I am buying a copy of your books for my female friends as they are all curious about the new Southern secrets I am learning.
Kind regards,
Rachelle

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