Wednesday, March 3, 2004

Two gay people marrying: It was all so normal

By MICHAEL BOYLAN

Well, I’m back, sort of, and I’m here to tell you that I’ve been in the belly of the beast, my friends. I’ve been front and center in a place that apparently is the most terrifying, doom-bringing, hell-hole on the planet these days. And I’m not talking about Buckhead, either. That’s right. I’m talking about a gay wedding.

GASP!

My wife, Sabine and I, were invited to attend a wedding on Valentine’s Day weekend. Two of her friends from school were getting married on Valentine’s Day at a Universalist Unitarian Church in Lexington, Mass.

They had been together for years, longer than my wife and I, and after a having a sad year and losing some loved ones, they wanted to be happy and, in turn, share their happiness with their family and friends. They set the date, sent out the invitations and waited for the big day to arrive.

Before it arrived, they shopped for dresses and rings, selected the music to be played at the reception and cooked all of the food to be served at the wedding to keep costs down.

So, what was this wedding like? It was like every other wedding that has ever taken place.

It started late, children at the wedding were amusingly disruptive, the food was OK and the people getting married were the happiest people in the room.

It was a time for old friends to catch up with each other and for people to shower their friends with gifts and good wishes. The guests took candid pictures of the people at their table and played with babies. They sang along to the music that was playing and ate wedding cake.

Obviously, it was horrible and a danger to every other marriage in the world.

When Sabine’s friends made their vows and promises before their family and friends, it was no different than when I made my vows to my wife.

They were just as nervous and they smiled and sweated just as much as I did. They were no less sincere in the profession of their love and commitment than either Sabine or I were, and just because I am straight doesn’t mean that my marriage should carry more weight than theirs.

Nor does a gay marriage — and even if the word isn’t given to them that’s still what it is (a rose by any other name would smell as sweet) — take away from my marriage or yours in any way. You will still wake up beside your husband or wife every day and live your life.

Whether Bob and Ted or Kelly and Jill down the street are married makes no difference on whether or not you stay married. Marriage is work, no matter what your sexual preference may be, and if one person doesn’t do the work, chances are your marriage will fail.

The hatred of homosexuals and gay marriage is wrong and it has to stop. All of these invented reasons on how it affects society are asinine and those who espouse them, especially in the name of religion, should be ashamed of themselves.

I may not be the most well-read biblical scholar but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a section of the Bible where Jesus lists the times it’s OK to hate and discriminate against people.

If homosexuals are allowed to marry, it doesn’t mean that someone is going to marry a dog, nor does it mean that someone is going to marry a 10-year-old boy or girl.

It means that your neighbor, coworker, friend, acquaintance, or relative is going to be afforded the same rights as you.

Gay people aren’t coming for your children and they don’t want to eat your brains. They want all of the things that you or I have, things that we take for granted a lot more often than we should.

I attended my first gay wedding on Valentine’s Day and I’m sure it’s not going to be my last. I’m sure my marriage and the world will survive. Despite what other people would like you to believe.

[Michael Boylan, recently of The Citizen, now is in charge of public relations for a Peachtree City publisher.]