Wednesday, January 22, 2003

So, are you a big failure already?

By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

Take this quick quiz to see if you have already failed in your New Year's resolutions, or are just, generally, a failure.

1. Since Jan. 1 you have lost:

A. 11 pounds.

B. The cocktail napkin you wrote your resolutions on.

C. So much self-control, you qualify for the "Ozzy Osbourne Lifestyle of Excess" Award.

2. In the 20 days or so since the New Year, you have:

A. Run every day.

B. Run out and bought an exercise machine.

C. Run out of checks to pay for all the Christmas credit card bills.

3. Your life goal for the coming year is:

A. To live well and prosper.

B. To live more healthily.

C. To live through one more Atlanta Braves washout season.

4. Your work goals for the coming year are:

A. Make your work environment a better place.

B. Leave your mark on every project you handle.

C. Find where they moved your offices without telling you.

5. You have lost 20 pounds since Jan. 1; you owe your success to:

A. The Atkins Diet.

B. Rigorous exercise.

C. Staying up nights worrying over Camilla and Tony Soprano.

6. This year you plan to hit it big because:

A.You believe in hard work and dedication.

B. You (and your cats) came up with a surefire way to pick lottery numbers.

C. By golly, you're going to marry that guy from the "Joe Millionaire" show.

7. The greatest hope for the coming year for you is:

A. To breakdown walls with an estranged neighbor.

B. To rekindle a better relationship with that old best friend.

C. To get your daughter to give you her cell phone number.

8. The best advice you could give to the rest of the world for 2003 is:

A. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

B. Give back, more than you take.

C. Dump that stock you have invested into Iraqi oil.

Hope you passed.

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