Wednesday, December 4, 2002
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Wednesday, December 4, 2002 |
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Morgan Fairchild and life goals By BILLY MURPHY I saw Morgan Fairchild in person. It was not too long ago when I was at Philips Arena for a Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young concert. There she was, walking by, backstage, larger than life. She was the figurative equal in size to the literal David Crosby. As highlights go in a life half-lived so far, it will be tough to equal the event of seeing Morgan Fairchild in person. Life really is about having goals and seeking to attain them. This worked for Bill Gates in spite of his haircut. This worked for O. J. in spite of that murder thing. This hasn't worked so far for Britney Spears, but I am sure it will, as soon as they create an Academy Award for Best Performance in a Leather Studded Bra. I saw Morgan Fairchild in person. I know I should have probably set my goals higher in life, but after all, what are riches and fame compared to the opportunity to say to your idol, "You look bigger on television." (In retrospect, this is not something you really, ever want to say to any woman: "You look bigger ...") Morgan Fairchild began her career simply enough; as Faye Dunaway's double in "Bonnie and Clyde," but reached career heights with such gems as, "Pee Wee's Great Adventure," "Body Chemistry III," and "Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000." You won't see finer acting this side of "Saved By the Bell." But this column is not really about Morgan Fairchild. It's about me, my goals, aspirations and ambitions. I am a realist. I accept the fact that I am not going to attain the fame and success of, say, a Ben Affleck, but with persistence, patience and Jennifer Lopez's propensity to go through men, she might eventually get around to even me. Sometimes success is nothing more than just that, a waiting game. Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then ... and then markets it and packages it as "Blind Hog Acorns," and makes a million bucks. Then snubs his other hog friends and thinks he's too good to wallow in the mud anymore. That's the kind of achievement I seek, to be so successful I can finally snub my friends. Wallowing in the mud, I will still do. Attaining our goals and dreams can be a trap, too. I remember when I was young, when my goal was to own a Winchester Model 9422 lever action rifle. I reached it. Then it was a hi-fi, then a girl, then a camera, then another girl, then a car, then a girl, then cool clothes, then that first girl again, when she had broken up with her boyfriend, then an 8-track for my car the list was never ending. And with the exception of getting any of those girls, attaining all my goals seemed hollow, or at least short-lived. That's different now. I saw Morgan Fairchild in person: Petite, perfectly-maned ingénue of the '80s. The only thing left now for me to do is set my next goal in life. I am trying to decide between getting a doctorate in mathematical science or meeting Cindy Crawford.
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