Wednesday, November 27, 2002
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Wednesday, November 27, 2002 |
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Being thankful beyond the grief By JOHN HATCHER Thanksgiving is a tough holiday for widows, widowers, and parents of deceased children. Often times, they ask, "For what do I have to be thankful?" It's not that they indeed are ingrates, but the enormity of their grief dwarfs any of the brighter moments of the year. Before I weigh into some counsel, let me say to any grieving soul, I do not know what you experience day by day. I genuinely believe no one can possibly know what you endure as you grieve the death of your precious loved one. Also, there is no earthly or heavenly way to bypass the grief you must suffer. The Psalmist said, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." Those who seek a detour around grief many times live to regret it. Grief avoided always surfaces later in life as anger, bitterness, and even hostility. Let me offer some suggestions for this Thanksgiving Season. First, be thankful for the good times you enjoyed with your loved one. Remember not to regret for the present, but to be thankful for the past. Mature gratitude can remember Mom's turkey dressing while not belittling today's meal. Remember, precious moments spent with your loved one were a gift in time, never intended to be experienced forever. There is a time to be born and a time to die. Second, be thankful for life lessons you learned from your loved one. No, we can't have our Mama for eternity, but what we learn at Mama's apron can last all of our life. In that sense, Mama and Daddy can be with us for a long time. I never see anyone rocking in a chair that I don't remember my Daddy who couldn't stand for anyone to use a rocker to rock. "Be still," he would say. And we would do so because in our home, Daddy sat on the throne chair. My nephew of 29 young years was killed this year by motorcycle accident. Whenever he was leaving anyone, he would say, "I love you." He taught us all so well that since his funeral, members of my family upon saying goodbye in person or over the phone will say to one another, "I love you." Young Robin Krueger lives on in our love for one another. He taught us to say our love for one another. Does this practice of expressing our love take away the pain from my dear sister, his mother? No. But it lets a little light in to the dark places. And for those in grief, any little thing can help. Finally, try to understand that the relationship you had was a gift from God. Grieving parents, who should have never had to attend their child's funeral, may find some help and hope here. Your son or your daughter was a gift from God. You had him or her for too brief of a time, for sure. There is no help in dwelling on the profound nature of your loss. What can help is gratitude. Be grateful for the brief time you had your son or daughter. In dwelling on gratitude you will make through the holidays. God bless you, everyone! The Rev.
Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of |
