By Rick Ryckeley
Fayette County Fire & Emergency Services

My Yankee wife warned me that things were different in the land to the north.

Last week I left my family to travel to a frozen land. Traveled to a place where snow covers the ground eight months out of the year. A land with frigid north winds blowing 30 miles an hour all day and night and temperatures close to zero.

This land to the north had many strange customs and even stranger people. The natives pride themselves as being from the land of 10,000 lakes. A form of English language I'd never heard before was spoken there. I heard many a "Yaah" and "you know," but not one "y'all" was spoken.

They called this land Minneapolis, Minnesota - where there's a pub on every corner, a Starbucks down every street, but not one single glass of sweet tea to be found anywhere.

I traveled to Minneapolis for a safety convention (No, really! I went for a safety convention) with three companions. After landing, we got our luggage, found our hotel shuttle bus and sat back for an uneventful 20-minute commute to the downtown area - or so we thought.

While I sat in the front seat, our driver was throwing our luggage into the back as he cussed a couple and told them to catch another bus. On the way to the hotel, he cut off three cars and yelled out the window at a fourth. Upon arriving at the hotel, he asked, "You got a problem with my driving?" I told him, "No. Thank you." I got my bags, tipped him a dollar and was very happy to see him drive off.

Good old Southern hospitality was not invented anywhere near Minnesota. This was just the start of my experience. The Wife was right: things were different in this frozen land to the north.

In the morning we walked from our hotel to the conference center by the way of skywalks. Skywalks are glass-enclosed, ten-feet-wide walkways connecting one building to the next at the second floor. We walked from one end of downtown to the other via the skywalks.

At the conference I was told that winters are harsh in Minneapolis, a.k.a the Twin City. (Twin City of what I still don't know. My guess is the North Pole.) The winters are very cold, and the snow's far too deep for anyone to walk around outside. That's why they have skywalks. For those brave souls that do venture out - well, that's why there's a pub on every corner and a coffee shop down every block. But long cold winters and tons of snow are not what Minnesota is famous for. This land to the north is famous for lakes and mosquitoes.

Minnesota is indeed the land of 10,000 lakes. It was on tee shirts, ball caps and license plates in every gift store we came to. The mayor of Minneapolis was the first speaker at the convention and stated, "We're not the land of 10,000 lakes; we actually have 11,855 lakes. One out of every six people owns a water pleasure craft, with the other five wishing they did." I believe the airport van driver was one of those disgruntled people who doesn't own a water pleasure craft.

During my week's visit, I learned one other important tidbit of information. With all of those lakes come mosquitoes - lots and lots of mosquitoes. During his speech, the mayor said that Minnesota was also the land of 10 million mosquitoes. They even sell mosquitoes' eggs in gift shops all over town.

At the end of the first day of my convention, I walked back to the hotel after sundown and ran into many of those 10 million mosquitoes. It had been almost twelve hours since my last glass of sweet tea, and with the time change it was about dinner time. I ducked into one of the corner pubs to get a bite to eat and to keep the mosquitoes from biting anymore of me.

Once inside, I tried to order sweet tea. My waitress said, surprised, "Why would anyone put sugar in tea?" The sweet Wife was right again: things were different in this land to the north.

Now true Southern tea is always served up the same way in a small pint or a large quart Mason jar. We Southerners are picky about our tea and being a native from the Deep South, the tea has to be sweet to be good. Southern tea is made two ways - sweet and really sweet.

The really sweet tea is the kind I like the best. Why, sometimes it's so sweet, drinking it actually makes your back teeth hurt. A warning on most menus in the South reads, "Really sweet tea: not suitable for children two hours before bedtime."

After spending a week in Minneapolis, I found most of the people to be very nice - leastwise those with the water pleasure crafts. But I still don't know why it's called the Twin City or why people live where snow covers the ground eight months out of twelve. Why Minnesotans stay there I do not know, but why they move south to Georgia I think I might.

Running away from all of the cold, snow, high winter winds and mosquitoes are not the reasons Minnesotans move to the south. No. The real reason they move south of the Mason Dixon Line is because there's not one glass of sweet tea anywhere to be found in that state. I know; I looked.

For a good old Southern boy, seven days without sweet tea makes one weak.

[Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at saferick@bellsouth.net.]

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