By Rick Ryckeley
Fayette County Fire & Emergency Services

There was one member of our family whom I never knew while growing up. Though I never met him, never saw him, I knew his name and heard it many times.

He was ever present in our house and seemed to have great power - influencing all of my parents' decisions. They had to ask his permission before a new car or clothes could be bought. Mom and Dad even had to consult with him before going on vacation.

Little did I know that he would be the same one influencing and controlling my life some forty years later - in just the same way he had influenced and controlled my parents' lives.

When Mom and Dad spoke about him, they were never happy. He seemed to always upset them. I remember that he only came out at night when my parents thought all of us were asleep in bed. When he was around, my parents would yell and never have anything good thing to say.

Though I never saw this mystery member of our family, he surely caused a lot of trouble in our lives. It was he who kept us from doing a lot of things when we were growing up. He was the one who kept us from going to Disney World one summer, and he was why my Dad didn't take a vacation 'til I was seven years old.

He always seemed to show up right after Christmas and around our birthdays and was the one responsible for many loud arguments between my parents. Arguments heard late at night through closed bedroom doors by young ears. At four years old, I promised myself that if I every saw him, I'd beat him up for making my Mom cry so many times.

But I never did. I never got the chance. Neither I nor any of my brothers ever did see him. We believed that he must have lived in another part of the house, an area where we were not allowed to go.

He was the reason why we all wore hand-me-down clothes and were teased at school for not wearing the new styles. He made us wear holes in the bottom of our tennis shoes before we got new ones. One summer I collected bottles for a month and returned them for the deposits so I could buy a new tire for my bike. Dad said he did not have the money because of him. It was because of him that we ate peanut butter sandwiches for lunch during the summer and didnít go see movies.

Mom turned our worn-out long pants into our new cut-off shorts because of him. He was the reason why she tie-dyed all of our stained white T-shirts so we would have new shirts for school. We had meatloaf on Mondays and spaghetti every Friday because he was around. (We all guessed that these were his favorite meals, but he never ate with us.) And Mom had to go to work selling real estate when I was seven she was no longer home when we got off the school bus all because of him. Yes, this black sheep of our family caused us a lot of grief.

I never saw him when I was growing up not once. When I moved out and went off to college, I never talked about him. I almost forgot about him as the years passed thought he was just a childhood fantasy. Now, as an adult I've become quite familiar with him once again. He's real, and I see him all the time now.

I believe that he's come to live with me again, and this time I fear he's here to stay. He's once again a presence in my life and his influence on me is far greater than before. He's started to give me nightmares at night and tells me what I can and can't do. Last week, I cut off a pair of worn-out long pants to make new short pants because of him.

He keeps The Wife, The Boy and me from going out to see movies. We don't go out to dinner much anymore, and now I'm eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch as I did so long ago. Just last week, I canceled the white water rafting vacation we were all looking forward to next month - all because of him.

He has yet to visit The Boy, but if The Boy is wise, this member of our family never will. The Boy has three years left before he goes off to college. That's how long I have to educate and warn him about a family member that I have witnessed causing so many arguments in my lifetime.

I heard his name spoken in our house hundreds of times when I was young. Now as an adult, his name is spoken in my home once again. He is the root of many problems in our family. The person my Mom and Dad argued with and warned me about so many times is trying to run my life also.

The Boy - if he's smart - will listen, make the right choices and not let this family member visit his house. Be careful when you talk about him - little ears can hear loud voices behind closed bedroom doors.

Has Bill been an unwelcome visitor at your home also?

[Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at saferick@bellsouth.net.]

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