Wednesday, April 24, 2002
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Wednesday, April 24, 2002 |
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With all apologies to Dr. Seuss, Who nose how these things happen? By AMY RILEY My oldest daughter recently reminded me of one of those past occurrences that end up in the family memories hall of fame. What is it with kids putting things up their noses anyway? We've all done this, right? I've heard of raisins, peas, and watermelon seeds. In fact, when I was little, tall tales made the kid circuit about watermelon seeds sprouting vines that grew out of ears and noses. I knew a boy growing up who put a pussy willow up his nose. If Dr. Seuss had written a book called, "When I Grow Up, I Want To Be A Kid," right there on page one or two would have been the directive, "Step one, stick something up your nose." You have to wonder about the thought process that leads up to sticking something up your nose. Do they ask themselves right before they do it, "Hey, I wonder what will happen if I stick this up my nose?" Or do they do it first, then ask themselves after it's up there, "Hey, I wonder what will happen if I can't get this out of my nose?" Who knows?! With my children, it wasn't plants or animals; it was beads. Two daughters, two noses, two episodes, two beads. I got a call at work from the director of my oldest daughter's preschool when she stuck a bead up her nose. I could hear her screaming in the background. They weren't touching her, mind you. She was just getting ready in case they did. So I told my boss I had to go, "A bead, you see." "Go ahead," said he. By the time I got there, the bead was out no need to worry, no need to pout. So home we went; everything was okay. Imagine our surprise when we got there the next day and read on the easel just as pretty as you may, "No beads at school! No more, no way. A kid got a bead up her nose yesterday." We thought it was over, our bout with beads, until along came another daughter who followed her lead. This one was 2, much littler, too, with the tiniest nose, and she blew and blew. I laid her down on the floor and tried with the tweezers. I could stand it no more; I just couldn't please her. So we loaded up in the van, the four of us and the bead, and off to the ER, this kid and her deed. We saw the giggles, the chuckles behind knuckles. We heard the laughter that jiggled belt buckles. But patiently we waited to have the bead removed; and sure enough, eventually, their prowess was proved. First came the nurse with lots of this and that, but one disturbing package she pulled from a rack. In this package were instruments, long, hooked, and skinny. My oldest two let out a saucer-eyed whinny. "What will they do with that?!" the little one cried. I tried to ignore him; I tried and I tried. But thankfully this story does have a happy ending, for in walked the doctor (not laughing, but grinning). He said, "We will try this one thing I know. If it works, then we're home free and off you'll go." "What is it?" I asked, hoping for a miracle. And to her, he said, "Little lady, you're in a pickle." To me he said, "Close off the nostril without the bead, cover her mouth and blow for me." I did as he said when to my surprise, the bead shot out; my kids were all eyes. When I blew in her mouth with that one little puff, the bead came out, sure enough. It shot out, to be truthful, hit the wall, then the floor. We picked up our things and shot out the door. The moral of this story is stay away from beads, and plants, and bugs, and watermelon seeds. And to all the kids out there who are starting to ponder about things up their noses and other such wonders. Do us a favor, and don't, you see. Go ride your bike, read a book, watch TV. Anything but sticking non-nose things up there; your story may not end up so fair. [Amy Riley is pursuing an advanced degree in education and writing occasional columns for The Citizen. Reach her via e-mail: AmyRileyOpEd@aol.com.
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