Wednesday, December 5, 2001

Christmas carols ­ American style

By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

It's that time of year again, so as you gather your dysfunctional family together, as we all do, here are a few Christmas carols you might be singing.

I have matched the familiar Christmas song with the very familiar mental illness. (It seems as though I have heard some of these before, somewhere, but I know I made some of them up!)

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Gender confusion syndrome: We Wish You a "Mary" Christmas.

Multiple personality disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

Gender confusion multiple personality disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.

Adolescent fabrication disorder: I Saw Mommie Kissing Santa Claus.

Manic jealous syndrome: Who is This Santa Claus You are Kissing?

Chemical dependency: Angels I Have Heard While High.

Narcissistic: Hark the Heralds Angels Sing About Me.

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and....

Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

Passive-aggressive personality: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why...

Addiction disorder: The Twelve Steps of Christmas.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock....

[Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at www.ebilly.net.]

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