Wednesday, November 7, 2001

Thanks, Congress, for return to norm

By DAVE HAMRICK
Editor-at-large

Saw a lady driving down the road wearing a surgical mask the other day.

Until recently, when you saw something like that, you assumed it was due to a medical condition. Now, you wonder if she's just afraid of anthrax.

But in spite of such incidents, are we getting back to normal?

I think incidents like that will help us redefine what "normal" is. The new definition of normalcy will involve a lot of new precautions in our everyday lives, and the occasional hysterical over-precaution.

But one sign that things really are returning to normal is that Republicans and Democrats are now settling back into the routine of fighting over the best ways to accomplish goals.

The Senate's airport security bill would have all the baggage screeners paid by the federal government, while the House version wouldn't.

Those of us who follow such things are comforted by the familiarity of it all. Some of the rhetoric is vintage.

For instance, Democrats criticizing the House bill complained that it wouldn't "guarantee" the safety of the flying public.

That feels right ... normal.

It's not only laughable to consider the idea that we can feel safe only if the people running the X-ray machines are paid by the government, but even more laughable is the idea that anyone, any time, could guarantee anyone's safety in any given situation.

Must we now insist that only federal government workers install elevators, and then claim that because federal government workers installed them, we guarantee that none will ever fail?

I certainly wouldn't want the roof at my house to fall in on my head, so maybe we'd better put all the roofers on the federal payroll too, so they can guarantee our safety.

I really don't have a horse in that race. I don't care much where the screeners' paychecks come from as long as there are good, solid rules in place for their training, and good procedures for them to follow.

In either case, I can't wait until an airplane hits a pocket of turbulence and I get injured, once the government has "guaranteed" my safety when flying. I figure that lawsuit ought to be good for at least a few hundred thousand, including payment for suffering supreme disappointment at discovering that the guarantee of my federal government was worthless.

Ahhhh, that feels a lot better. Yes, things are returning to normal.

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