Wednesday, August 29, 2001
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Wednesday, August 29, 2001 |
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Approach-avoidance syndrome affects many Christians By REV JOHN HATCHER Many Christians experience what psychology calls the approach-avoidance conflict. In this situation, the individual is both attracted and repelled by the same goal. The same goal has qualities that make the individual want to approach it and other qualities that make him want to avoid it. The timid man who wishes to propose to his girl friend fears rejection (the quality he wishes to avoid) and hopes for acceptance (the quality he wishes to approach). Hence he is in conflict about a single goal. If you are tempted to eat a certain food but know from experience that it gives you indigestion, you experience an approach-avoidance conflict. The conflict looks like this: as the individual nears the goal, the strength of avoidance increases more rapidly than that of approach, pushing him from the goal. A whole gaggle of men flock to a Promise Keepers stadium event. There, with all the spiritual testosterone coursing through the hearts and minds of the men, they sing to the top of their lungs; they shout as they shout at football games; they yell out "hallelujah" and "praise the Lord;" they lift their hands in worship (something they would not be caught dead doing at their sedate home church); they cry; they embrace one another. The goal of becoming a "man of God" becomes so attractive that they just can't avoid it. Yes, they hear Coach talk about the changes, the repentance, the time with their children and their wives. They hear speaker after speaker exhort them to be men of integrity, laying off the porn, and reading the Bible. Oh, it's so appealing, so attractive. So, the men, by the thousands as in a herd mentality (and they talk about teenagers and their herd mentality) make promises to be faithful to God, family, church, and self. This whole scenario happens every Sunday in church houses all over the world. Through the choirs, the worship, the drama, and the powerfully spoken word, men, women, and youth make decisions to approach Christ, to live Christ-like lives, to live for God, to live pure and chaste lives. It seems in the environment of the church, the approach is so very attractive. But then we go home. And it goes something like this: "I made the commitment to spend more time with my wife. But as I look at her with all her warts, I don't know if I want to spend any more time with her than I have to. I said I would not look at any more porn on the Internet, but life is so dull, my sex life is non-existent, why not? After all, I am an adult. I know it won't get a hold of me. No way will I end up addicted to the stuff. "I know Coach taught us the importance of the local church and how I needed to support my pastor. As I think about that kind of thing, that would mean I would pray for him, listen to sermons, give him encouragement, and be in church every Sunday. What's in it for me, as I think about it." This is the problem that Christ has with us mere mortals: approach and avoidance. We say we want to live for the Lord, but as we get close to where the water hits the wheel, we are not so sure. So, we vacillate or we capitulate. However, the good news is that many do neither, but perpetuate their commitment regardless how tough the way, how difficult the task. Remember what Jesus says: "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." Does that sound like a lot of contemporary religion to you?
The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of River's Edge Community Church in Fayetteville. |
