Wednesday, July 18, 2001
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Wednesday, July 18, 2001 |
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Cats vs. dogs: 2nd oldest war By BILLY MURPHY The battle over which animal is better, the cat or the dog, is as old as time, or at least as old as jokes about how George W. Bush is so dumb. Some people are cat people, some people are dog people. Rarely is anyone, other than a naive child, both. Whether you like cats or dogs, tells a lot about your personality. I am pretty sure Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer both had poodles as children (Jeffrey had his with Heinz 57). I am personally a cat lover but, that won't color my thoughts here at all. I am sure the war began way back with Adam, there in the garden. He would get sick of Eve ignoring him and treating her kitty like a child. Adam, meanwhile, was thinking, "On what day was this vermin created? The Lord must have had some spare parts left from the crocodile, and the pussy willow tree to create such a schizophrenic fur ball. Eve dotes over him like a soft cuddly child, and I get near and the thing turns into Siamese the Hun." Adam, on the other hand, was obviously a dog lover, coming home from a long day tilling the soil by the sweat of his brow. What man wouldn't want to be greeted by a fun-loving, affectionate partner who could relate to the desire to eat constantly, sleep 14 hours a day and have someone rub his belly until his leg shook. In the history of the world, the Egyptians were known to worship cats. The cat represented everything regal and royal. Kings and queens set up the feline empire as all things noble and stately. It is no accident either that Egypt's location made it a literal sand box. On the other hand, to see worship of the dog, one would have to go no further than the rural town of Hog Gulley, Alabama, to see Willie Lampier's "Temple of the Hound." Personally, at my age I find both pets irritating. I have had two of the greatest cats over the span of my life, but even kitties can wear on your nerves. When I finally couldn't take it anymore, I found a nice home for my Russian Blue at what I told him was, "The Big Green Hotel with Weekly Pickup." (Well, at least I didn't throw the cat into moving traffic!). For every Tabby that scratches the couch, there's a retriever that licks himself in front of company. For every collie that sticks his nose where it's not supposed to go, there's a Himalayan that raises his tail and claims some real estate. The weirdness of cats and dogs is only outdone by their owners. Until you have seen a an elderly woman wearing matching sweaters with her Scottie, you have not seen insanity. I have seen people kiss their dogs on the mouth and wear their cat like a shawl. In the movies, people can be gunned down by the dozens, but it is totally against practice that any animal should ever be killed on screen. Animals, many times, are truly just a different form of "child" for people. Only, dogs and cats are easier to housebreak. The battle will wage on forever, I guess, over cats and dogs and which is the better pet. For now I am still trying to just housebreak my kids. [Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://www.ebilly.net.]
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