Wednesday, May 23, 2001
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Wednesday, May 23, 2001 |
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A time of endings, a time of beginnings By AMY RILEY This is a week for passages, preschool to kindergarten, fifth grade to the middle years, eighth grade to high school, and for hundreds of high school seniors, the giant passage, high school to all points beyond. In a moment that is both celebratory and nostalgic, many people are poised this week on the brink of something unknown and wonderful. Somewhere between the lyrics of "Yesterday," "Tomorrow," and "I Wish That I Knew What I Know Now, When I Was Younger," lies a young person's hope for the future, a legacy of untapped wisdom just ripe for the picking, and the sweet ache for what was. For parents, these are times that bring us to our knees, in joy, pride, memory, hope, and maybe even a little sadness. No matter what stage you are in, no matter how old the child or how large the leap, each time you look at them, you see it all. Instead of "I love you," you would more aptly say, "I love you infinitely." Your children look at you with a mixture of concern and pity, but if another parent hears you as you trip over this truth, they just nod quietly in affirmation, and brush the goose bumps off their arms. As though you've been holding your breath their whole lives, you exhale a little and inhale more. The rules may change, their routines may differ, but the bottom line is they're loaners. We get to diaper, delight, discipline, direct, inevitably differ, hopefully delve deeper to a greater understanding, then deliver them to their destiny, not necessarily in that order. We only let out our breath in little sighs, always careful to replace our relief with a provisional measure of worry. If you are the parent of a graduating senior, you wish that you could condense all that you know of adulthood and give it to them in a nice, neat package, because once they're on their own, they'll learn it all just like you did, one mistake or triumph at a time. Wisely, though, you know that experience is the best teacher, but don't be afraid to share your insights with adult children, either. Parenting is a lifetime commitment. Say 10 percent of what you're thinking, and make that 10 percent the best advice. As my gift, I would bequeath a generosity of spirit, and suggest that the greatest reward and happiness that a person can know comes from showing compassion for others, giving of your time and talents, and contributing to a greater good. I would tell them that even the deepest despair is scaleable, and that when things look the bleakest, the very next thing that they will see is some improvement. I would give to these emerging adults the confidence to live their own lives, but the courage to give proper consideration to constructive criticisms offered in love by those they trust. Seek the counsel of the very young and the very old. The clarity of their insight is profound, and recognizing that great truths can come from the most unlikely sources will keep you humble. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it is the strongest persons who can recognize their own weaknesses. Take chances, but don't sneer at a sure thing. Things may go smoothly, or they may not. Don't be cynical, but try not to be gullible either. Spend some time deciding what you believe. Accept that these beliefs may deepen or evolve over time, but essentially, if you're honest with yourself, there will be comfort in knowing who you are. Chances are, you will mellow with age. Things like body piercings and tattoos may seem like the thing to do in the heat of the moment, but asking yourself, "How will I view this 20 years from now?" is a great litmus test for foolish acts. Don't dwell on past mistakes, but don't keep making the same ones over and over again either. A good motto is, "I'll try hard not to make the same mistake twice." Prioritize your top 10 most important beliefs or goals for your life. When you choose a spouse, hopefully after you've had some time to really grow comfortable with yourself, seek someone who shares the same top five priorities. Accept no compromise on the top three. Love big. Laugh from your belly. Sing out loud. Cry sometimes, or walk in the rain. It rinses the soul. Start a tradition. Read some great books. Be a friend. Be kind and gentle. Be bold. Craft some solutions. Share your ideas. You are the director of your own life now. Create something wonderful. [Your comments are welcome at: ARileyFreePress@aol.com.]
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