Wednesday, May 9, 2001
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Wednesday, May 9, 2001 |
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Some advice to date by By BILLY MURPHY I have a lot of single friends and they are always asking if I know anyone of the opposite sex that I could "fix them up with," etc. I rarely get into that situation, yet I do realize that people would want to come to me for help in the romance area (yeah, right). Asking me for advice on romance is like asking Jennifer Lopez for advice on what clothes to wear to church. Nevertheless, here are some pointers guys and girls may find helpful for dating in the 21st century. 1. Never give your number to a guy at a bar, who keeps running outside to check on his mother he left in the car. 2. When meeting a blind date for the first time, try to restrain yourself from screaming, "My gosh, I thought Phyllis Diller was dead." 3. If a guy asks you to go to WWF Wrestling, it is appropriate for you to buy him a memento from the evening for his house trailer. 4. Never ask out an ex-girlfriend who still refers to you as, "The guy I dated in between the baseball team and the football team." 5. When meeting someone from the Internet, it is a good idea to let a friend know, meet in a public place and make sure your last will and testament is updated and in order. 6. When meeting someone at the Laundromat, avoid the ones who seem to be removing a lot of those "Kitty" sweaters from the dryer. 7. When a man compliments you on your figure, never reply, "You better like it, there's $3,000 worth of silicon in there." 8. It is OK to stop dating a man who is continually trying to pull the old "I'm pulling my thumb off" trick on your grandma. 9. If a date is more than 10 minutes late to pick you up, try to resist the urge to sit around the house eating straight out of the Crisco can. 10. If a guys ends the date by saying, "I'll give you a call," you may want to take a photograph to authenticate to your friends that you ever even knew him. 11. Wait at least til the fifth date with a guy before you let down your facade of always wearing makeup, not smoking, talking lovingly about your parents, and repeatedly saying, "Getting married is not important to me right now; I am more interested in my career." 12. When inviting a girl over to watch a video, she may not be impressed with your "College Girls on Spring Break" collection. Good luck, it's a jungle out there. [Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at www.e-billy.net.]
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