Wednesday, May 9, 2001
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Wednesday, May 9, 2001 |
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Better than NASCAR: 3 models of mom By AMY RILEY There isn't much in life that can be said to be true for everybody, but everybody is the child of somebody. We're not talking biology here, either. There's more to "expecting" a child than a blue line on a test strip. To "expect" a child is to tune in to a new state of being. For moms especially, having children is like jumping on to a whole other racetrack with a whole new set of wheels. And speaking of moms and wheels, this Sunday is Mother's Day. Something you'll never see on Mother's Day is a NASCAR race. That's because long ago some car genius decided that we should devote a whole entire day to the appreciation of the ultimate design Mom. Whether it's the highly efficient, fast-paced pit stops, the finely tuned precision performance, or the sheer beauty of their poetry and motion style, all good car buffs know when it comes down to the basics in life, it doesn't get any better than Mom. There are all sorts of moms, but for our purposes here, and to spare my musings the editorial hatchet, let's just say that there are three basic design prototypes. You won't find these in any showroom, but keep your eyes open they're sure to turn up at your neighborhood grocery, or at school or church. Now that the weather is nice, you'll see more of them outside, but if you want to see any of the convertible ones with their tops down, you'll have to look elsewhere. Most moms gave that up when the test strip turned blue. Be sure to get out on Sunday and pay homage to the latest in Mom technology. There's the Erma Bombeck model which is designed to rear children using humor, sarcasm, and self-deprecation. Lots of people have this type of mom. She's the Ford LTD with the faded, chipped paint who pulls along side you when it's pouring down rain to ask you if you need a ride. She's the rusty old Cutlass who makes your grilled cheese with a steam iron and aluminum foil. She's the oh so dependable sedan of motherhood who noisily lurches up to you in all her glory to give you a sloppy kiss almost daring you to be embarrassed by her unmuffled exhaust. She's the mom who always has in her purse, or in her van, every imaginable first aid product, a snack or drink for any hungry or thirsty soul, and a toy for every age group. If you're wise, you'll hope it's in her purse, because if it's in her van, it's probably on the floor. She'll sing out loud, albeit off-key. She can turn any sad time in to a happier time by making you laugh out loud at life. She teaches you never to take yourself too seriously, and to march to the beat of your own drummer. She'll teach you never to judge a book by its cover, but by the content of its pages instead. Another popular model is the Martha Stewart mom. She's the Mercedes Benz of the mothering world. She has front air bags, and the absolute latest in mom technology. She's the kind of mom who sends cookies to school for the class party that are beautifully designed and impeccably clever. Though fabricated in her own test kitchen, they look like something right out of Car and Cookie magazine. Her chassis is always clean and polished to the highest sheen. She uses all natural materials, always careful not to aesthetically pollute. She's the best in show every year running. She's the envy of all the other moms who can never quite fathom how she manages to keep her white carpet and leather interior looking "straight from the manufacturer" new. She updates with new paint even though there are no dings or scratches. She'll teach you to have high expectations for yourself and others. She'll tell you that, "If it's a job worth doing, it's a job worth doing well." She'll teach you that cleanliness is next to godliness, even though you'll think that surely God can't be THAT clean. The third, but most common, mom design is the "I'm every woman," omnibus prototype. She's a sport utility model. She's functional and roomy, and capable of hauling extra loads in her fold-down extended rear cargo area. She has the "on-time" navigational system that can go anywhere, and usually does in any given week, whether it's off-road or on the highway. She's got high mileage, but never mind that. You wouldn't trade her for anything. She's worth way more to you than anything you could get brand new. You've got history together, fond memories. All of your first everythings are stored in this model. She says that dings just give her character. She's the kind of mom you can live in and grow old with. So this Sunday while you're not watching NASCAR, spend some time appreciating moms. Lots of folks these days are complaining that there are too many cars causing too many traffic jams and way too much pollution. The same will never be said of moms. Moms put the wheels of our life in motion, and on the great road of life, they're like a rock. [Your comments are welcome at: ARileyFreePress@aol.com.]
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