Wednesday, April 25, 2001
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Wednesday, April 25, 2001 |
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Watch for 'Bill' at magazine rack By BILLY MURPHY Egotism seems to be the norm for the day, as I look around in the world. It seems everyone is starting a magazine and naming it after herself. It started with "Martha Stewart Living," then Oprah Winfrey started "O the Oprah Magazine" and Rosie O'Donnell started "rosie." The latest in the batter of eponymous publications is "mary-kateandashley" magazine. Rosie and the Olsen twins didn't capitalize their names in their magazines, I guess in mock humility. Self-love among celebrities is nothing new; many have had restaurants named after themselves, or bars, or even clothing lines, yet, these vanity projects surely show how these stars simply can't see the forest for the mirrors. This is also just further evidence that a lot of women (and girls) will buy anything with a glossy cover and a list of bulleted self-help tips. It was bad enough that for eons women have been sinking billions into magazines that feature models with superhuman faces and bodies and then try to live to that standard. Women with freakishly beautiful, airbrushed shapes and complexions have been set as the standard and there seems to be this whole market of masochistic females who feel the need to find reasons to make themselves feel fat, dumpy, pale and devoid of any and all exotica through the purchase of these magazines. Not to mention the psychological tests in these magazines that would surely show them that every man they ever knew was the dregs of the species. So, now, is it better that we have these magazines that feature these "normal" women giving normal tips? Like the feature that had Rosie giving pointers on how to set up a nice craft space in your basement. Even taking it for granted that every woman has 1,500 square feet of free space in her basement, who can spare the $50,000 to build it? Oh, well, at least there hasn't been a Celine Dion magazine yet on child-rearing. None of the ladies mentioned above could hold a candle to the ego of Jennifer Lopez. Changing her name recently to J Lo has really shot her up the self-regard-o-meter. First of all, we need to make a rule. No one should be able to double their popularity just because they showed up semi-nude on an awards show. Celebrity should never measured by the size of one's derriere or lack of one's clothes. But, I guess it is. Speaking of the name game, Puff Daddy held a press conference to announce his name change to P Diddy, because now "Puff Daddy" has a negative connotation because of his involvement in the New York shooting spree. Poor O.J. If only it had been so easy for him, we who have O Simpy. Which brings to mind the forefather of the short verse rap, O Henry. These days, I don't know if I should jump on the bandwagon and try to start my own magazine or just give myself a name change. I sort of like "B Muffy" or "Murf Billy." Or maybe I can just start a real guy's magazine called "Bill." But I wouldn't put a bunch of buff good-looking men all over the pages; I'd use the same hot super models they put in the women's magazines. I would, of course, have to add the typical self-help tips features like, "How to grease a bait-casting reel," or "Balancing her romantic and emotional needs and your need for ESPN and Cheetos." Who knows? It might work. "B Mu" signing out. [Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at www.ebilly.net.]
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