Wednesday, March 28, 2001
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Wednesday, March 28, 2001 |
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This space for rent; navels, too By BILLY MURPHY Anything is for sale. Everything is for sale. As I watched the Pepsi commercial during the Academy Awards Sunday, I noticed what Britney Spears was wearing (as opposed to what she was not wearing). It wasn't the outfit she wore, sized for a Barbie doll that I noticed, but a dangling Pepsi logo navel ring. (That sound you heard was 22 million screen doors slamming behind 22 million teenage boys going out to raid the Pepsi shelves at Kroger). In what seems to be a never ending stream of semi-nude, mini-concerts by Spears, she has found yet another way to sensationalize a medium (advertising). That sound you heard was 22 million screen doors slamming behind 22 million fathers of teenage boys going out to raid the Pepsi shelves at Kroger. Coke's arch enemy could have at least given her the tag line, "Diet Pepsi; I owe my six-pack to their six-pack!" But, I guess that would have ruined the artistic integrity of the letter-boxed commercial. And what is it with all these commercials in "letter box" format? If you haven't noticed, this is when they black out the top and bottom portions of the TV screen to give the commercial a more "theater-style" feel. And why do they call it "letter box"? Since it is wide and short in height, why don't they call it "envelope" format, 'cause that is the shape. What is a letter box anyway? But I digress. There is no such thing as a blank slate anymore. If there is a space, it can be rented. Airplanes, buses, race cars, park benches, buildings and, yes, even navels are all fair game for advertising budgets. The most supercilious of the makeshift banner is the tennis player. A short history ago, the tennis player went from all white, then to colors, then to Coors. A Nike swoosh as a breast pocket insignia is appropriate. A "Preparation H" back pocket flap is not. This kind of advertising has spread like a Julia Roberts love fest. If all this creative product placement was Egypt, Michael Jordan would be Moses, albeit Moses in his Hanes underwear. Of course, all these facades for sale are more a product of our times. Our age abhors silence, aurally and visually. We are so hyperkinetic we must have something always before us. It's no wonder we are always in need, always hungry, always thirsty. Just watching a Nascar race will incite me to cook up some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, order a Domino's Pizza, switch to AT&T, send a package Federal Express, open a can of Alpo (and I don't even have a dog), and wash my hair endlessly with Herbal Essence Shampoo trying get that "feeling." I am eagerly awaiting the next step in this kind of "billboarding." I expect Jennifer Lopez to show up in one of her see-through outfits, with a company's logo tattooed on her booty, I mean body. Does all this make me sick? Yes. Yes, 'cause ain't nobody asking me! Yet, I will just be happy, go on my merry way and see you in the Pepsi aisle. (Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://www.ebilly.net.)
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