By MSGR. THOMAS J. MCSWEENEY
Religion Columnist

At a busy New York City intersection, one evening, a car stops at a red light. A yellow taxi, right behind stops also. A frail old lady with a cane steps off the curb and begins to hobble across the street.

As she reaches a point midway between the car's glaring headlights, the traffic light turns from red to green. Immediately, the taxi driver leans on his horn. The driver of the car in front shuts off his engine, removes the key from the ignition, gets out of his car and walks back to the taxi where he confronts the driver.

"Here are my car keys," he says. "You run her over. I haven't got the stomach for it!"

It is easy to identify with that elderly woman crossing the intersection. We all know the feeling of powerlessness that overtakes somebody in the middle of crossing a busy intersection when the light changes. You are trapped, helpless, at the mercy of the driver. And if you don't exactly cry out, "Have pity on me," the plea is certainly reflected in your anguished deer-in-the-headlights look.

Now, reverse the situation. Put yourself behind the wheel. With whom do you identify more closely, the driver of the car or the taxi driver?

Most of us, I am sure can remember times when we did, in fact, lean on our horns, not because of a vicious compulsion to see someone knocked downbut out of sheer habit.

We can acquire the bad habit of hearing but not listening, or looking and not seeing. We hear the cry, we see the anguished look, but we don't personalize it. It just does not register that a real, warm, live human sister or brother is in distress. Our time is valuable, we have a right to feel impatient and frustrated. So we learn how to push and shove and compete and lean on our horns, and soon these things become habits, even reflex actions.

Some people lean on their horns automatically, just as some inevitably say "No!" when someone approaches them for help. There are people who routinely look the other way when they see someone in distress, in order not to get involved. There are those who are absolute masters at changing the subject whenever someone tries to share a problem with them.

Charles Mayo, a founder of the world-famous Mayo clinic, made a valuable rule for himself. "When I am your doctor," he said, "I try to imagine the kind of doctor I'd like if I were you. Then I try to be that kind of doctor."

That's a good idea, whoever we are or whatever we do. We don't all think the same way, or react the same way to a given situation.

Staying sensitive to the needs of others can demand a lot of us, but the effort involved is worth the trouble. One day each of us will be asked not only if we cared about the feelings of others, but also is we showed compassion in the process.
There's a lot to be said for putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Or driver's seat.

For a free copy of The Christopher News Note, BEING A GOOD NEIGHBOR, write to The Christophers, 12 East 48th Street, New York, NY 10017.

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