Call these women blessed

You see it on the news every day – celebrities and others with media access use their influence to promote causes they support. The idea is to sway public opinion.

I’ve decided that I have a very good platform through books, radio, television and this column so I should use it for the betterment of society. I have a responsibility to serve in a capacity to help all woman-kind. It’s time to use my influence in a positive manner.

With that in mind, I am taking up a cause. It starts right here and now.

I am appointing myself as the official spokesperson for women of a certain age who never married. I am now officially proclaiming that it is politically incorrect to call these darling women “old maids.” I chose this excellent cause after seeing the obituary of a retired librarian.

“She was an old maid,” someone was quoted as saying.

I was astounded. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

Where did that start anyway? There is not one redeeming or nice thing about that – who wants to be called “old” or a “maid”? To put the two words together is deplorable at its worst.

And why is that men, who never marry, are called bachelors, an elegant term? But women are called spinsters or old maids. There is nothing pretty about either.

Not to worry, though, I’m here to pick up the gauntlet and speak for these women who have been downtrodden for too long. I’m here to enlighten the world and to seek a new word to call these worthy women.

The new word I have created as a descriptive term for unmarried, older women is “blesselor”. The last part comes from “bachelor” while the first part truly describes the upside of her existence – she is blessed.

That’s right – blessed. A woman doesn’t have to get married or have children in order to obtain “blessed” status. She can stay single and rule her own life without interference or interruption from anyone. She can sleep as late, watch whichever television channel she chooses, eat pork rinds in bed and allow her pet to sleep with her.

If she’s not in the mood, she doesn’t have to clean house or cook and if she doesn’t feel like talking, she can crawl into a corner and read to her heart’s content. Or, she can sulk without causing hurt feelings or making an argument.

She can spend all her money on herself and not feel guilty about it. After all, there are no children who need shoes or a husband who keeps an eye on the checkbook. She can make plans or change them at a moment’s notice because her schedule doesn’t affect anyone else.

Doesn’t that sound heavenly? Doesn’t that sound like a blessed woman?

“You’re a good one to talk,” Mama popped off, insinuating that I might have an ulterior motive in this cause I have chosen.

“For your information, I am not an old maid,” I replied tartly. “First, I have been married. Second, I’m not old.”

“Really?”

I was about to hit the winning shot. “I am still of child-bearing years.”

Mother smiled wickedly. “Prove it.”

Okay, so there can be one downside to being an unmarried, childless woman – a disapproving mother.

Otherwise, it can be an extraordinarily wonderful life. God bless all the blesselors of this world.