Five lessons in parenting

Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D. June 2006

My oldest child is preparing to leave home and now that she is an adult, I've thought a lot about the most important things I've tried to teach her.

While there are many, I've come up with five things, in no particular order, that I think every parent should do to prepare a child for adulthood.

First, provide a quality education. Cross-culturally, education is highly correlated with life satisfaction, income, marital satisfaction, and a host of other desirable variables. There are few things as important in preparing for life as a quality education. I'm sure you all have heard horror stories of public schools that have failed miserably in educating the children with whom they have been entrusted, but public schools aren't all bad. Some school systems are superior to others. We moved when my oldest daughter was beginning school specifically so that she could attend a quality school.

When possible, I recommend private schools, but that is not always possible. Home schooling is another viable option, especially for those who cannot afford private education.

Even if you have to borrow money for your child's education, there is no better investment. It is ironic that people don't think twice about borrowing $30,000 or more to buy a car that will have practically no value in six or seven years, but they balk at paying a similar amount of money for their child's education - something that has life-long value.

Second, emphasize reading. One of the most important parts of education is reading. Reading, more than any other single subject, is directly related to test scores, school success, college admission, and future job satisfaction. Read to your child even when he or she is an infant. Picture books, short poems, and funny stories are great ways to help children learn a love of reading. As children get older, trips to the bookstore and library should be a regular part of your routine. You don't have to force children to read if you start early in life finding things that they like to read. Turn off the TV and read books.

Third, teach your child the value of money. Perhaps more than any other culture, Americans have completely blurred the line between "needs" and "wants." Americans literally spend more each year on pet food than most people in other countries earn in a year. We have more leisure time than at any time in history and we surround ourselves with expensive toys, electronic gadgets, clothes, houses, and cars, and yet research has consistently shown that by world standards Americans are not satisfied in life. People in countries far poorer than ours are far happier. It is believed that the reason is that even though we all know the adage that "money can't buy happiness," we still behave as if we think it does.

Likewise, we don't want to work for what we have and we definitely don't want to wait. "Get it now," is the American way. Teaching your child to work for a dollar is the beginning of helping her to realize what a dollar is worth. Almost all of us appreciate what we have waited and worked for much more than things that were handed to us with little or no effort of our own.

Fourth, travel. See as much of the world as you can with your children. Travel exposes children to different languages, dress, food, and traditions. It teaches us to respect and appreciate those who are different from ourselves and seeing places and people that we have heard about in books makes learning real for all of us. Traveling also brings you together as a family and forces you to learn to cope with irritations and discomforts that go along with the fun of traveling.

Finally, play often. Almost all creatures play. It is a valuable part of practicing social skills, exercise, and good health. Play has benefits for the heart, lungs, muscles, and mind. Never be too old or too grown-up to play in the woods, ride a bike, or use your imagination with your children. It is also a great way to bond with your children, relieve tension, and to put life in perspective.

This is my list, but I would guess that many of you have great ideas as well. Please send your own lists to gmoffatt@acc.edu so that I might share your ideas in a future column.