Master the art of conversation

It is amazing to me how many people can’t carry on a conversation. Especially when introduced to new people.

To be downright honest with you, it’s wearing me out.

As much as I travel and as many new people as I am constantly meeting, I am under the strain of making chitchat with folks who haven’t learned the fine art of social conversation.

I’d rather wear flat shoes to a party than endure the brutality of such.

I can spot the artless ones immediately. When introduced, I will receive a measly handshake, no eye contact and, without fail, the offending party will get my name wrong. “Hello, Rhoda, nice to meet you. Where do you live?”

I’ll correct my name then move to the subject of where I live. Immediately, I’ll turn talk to the other person but within two minutes, the social slob will ask again, “Now, where do you live?”

I used to be much more gracious about this than I am now. I used to smile coquettishly and answer the question in a way that sounded like it had never been asked or answered before.

Now, I look straight into the person’s eyes and say firmly and without a smile, “I just told you that” and repeat my answer. Then, as soon as possible, I excuse myself and find conversation elsewhere.

I wish everyone could be more like my friend, Ed Parks. He is one of the finest conversationalists I have ever known. He can talk to anyone about anything at any time. His knowledge and interests are so broad. He can talk about politics, geography, religion (even if he makes up some of the stuff he says, it’s still entertaining), baseball, history, art (he makes some of that up, too) and NASCAR.

Over a lifetime of friendship, I have seen Ed in many situations and I have watched in admiration as he chatted as easily with celebrities as with grocery clerks and waitresses. It is a lovely sight to behold. If we happen to be at an event together and I don’t feel like talking, I just follow Ed around because I am confident that he can carry the conversation for both of us. And, he always does.

Southerners, as a majority, tend to be good conversationalists. However, there’s a segment of drawlers who must have alien blood because they are pitiful at simple socializing.

Having written two books that deal, in part, with making good conversation, I’ll share my favorite tips:

Initial Contact – Repeat the person’s name back immediately. If you misunderstood, it’s the perfect time to correct it because it’s wonderful to use a person’s name repeatedly while talking. Shake hands firmly, make strong eye contact and smile warmly. A good beginning is critical.

Ask Questions – Make the conversation about the other person with you adding bits of commentary. Ask how she knows the host, where he went to school, where she got those terrific earrings.

Tell A Good Story – The best conversationalists are incredible storytellers. Have a good, all-around story tucked into your pocket that will carry you. It can be about a party that went awry, a dog that ran away, a traffic accident or any story that is entertaining. Humor is key. The best-received stories are the funny ones.

Listen – It’s the kindest compliment you can give. Others respond enormously to such kindness.

If you need some additional guidance, maybe you can arrange a private consultation with Ed Parks. Even if you don’t learn anything, I promise that you’ll be entertained.

And he won’t have to ask your name twice. He’ll get it right the first time.