Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D. May 2006

Over these many years of clinical practice I've seen quite a few parents who seemed intent on doing everything they could to raise the most irritating,irresponsible, and obnoxious children possible. So, I decided to make life easier for these parents by organizing some simple instructions to perfect the process. Here is what you need to do if you want to raise an
irresponsible child:

First of all, make sure you spend very little time with your child. Children will naturally look for models as they learn how to behave in the world. If you waste several hours each day talking to and listening to your children, the chances exist that you will inadvertently show them effective ways to handle problems and life stress. Avoid playing games with them, going on walks, riding bikes, teaching them to play ball or cook, and certainly don't take time to listen to them when they want to talk about problems. Leave this part of the child's life to television, chat rooms, instant messaging, their experienced and wizened peers, and other people who could care less about your child's welfare.

Just in case you accidentally spend too much time with your children, make sure you never practice what you preach. Make your children wear seatbelts, but never wear yours. Smoke cigarettes, but tell them not to smoke. Use
drugs and alcohol irresponsibly, but tell them never to do these things. Talk about the importance of honesty, but cheat on your taxes and take advantage of others any time it is in your own best interest. Finally, make
your children use terms like "sir" and "ma'am," but model disrespect by degrading police officers, teachers, and other authorities. This way your child will learn that talking about safety, health, integrity, and respect
is all you really need to do.

While you are working at avoiding time with your child, ensure you also make your love, affection, and attention conditional. Ignore your child if he/she does not perform well. Giving your child unconditional love will
give the child the idea that he or she matters in life, which unfortunately can lead to high levels of esteem and self-confidence. We all know that high esteem and self-confidence is directly related to responsible behavior
and this is not the goal.

Use unkind words as often as possible. This is an easy one. At the same time you are showing the child that your love is based on his/her
performance, use words like "stupid," "dummy," "idiot," and other derogatory words. Make sure you regularly tell your child that he/she will never amount to much and what a mistake it was even bringing him/her into the world. Even if you forget to use these words, you are in luck. You can still communicate the same message through your behavior!

As often as possible, make excuses for your child's behavior. Always assume the teacher, coach, scout leader, church/synagogue leader, or other adult in your child's life is making up stories when you are informed about your child's misbehavior. When the evidence is indisputable that your child did, in fact, commit the offense in question, redirect the attention to failings
and complaints against the accusing school, other students, athletic team, or religious organization. This way your child will learn that his/her behavior is someone else's fault and that he/she is simply a victim of circumstances.

Focus on material possessions over relationships. Spend plenty of time pursuing objects to entertain you. This will demonstrate to your children that cars, houses, nice yards, fancy electronic equipment, and other toys
are the things that matter in life. You can be sure they will try to please you by seeking these same things, even if it means pursuing them unethically or illegally.

Finally, and easiest of all, simply ignore them. Children have an irritating internal drive that causes them to seek the approval and attention of their parents. They will do almost anything to get it. If you show little or no interest in their activities, skills, experiences, hurts
and joys, it will drive them crazy trying to figure out how to get you to "see" them. Obnoxious behavior is almost a certainty.

So there you have it - seven easy steps to accomplish the goal that so many parents seem interested in pursing. Sadly, there are no guarantees. Some children are resilient and will end up respectful and responsible despite your good efforts to train them otherwise, but the probability of raising obnoxious, disrespectful, and untrustworthy children is much better if you follow these suggestions.

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