Mister Slurps Slurpy Machine

Everything about Blinks Mooney was average. He was five-foot-10, an average height for a grown man. He had a round, pudgy face and a somewhat pudgy body, average for someone who loved eating sweets but didn’t like to exercise. He had thinning brown hair and laugh lines around his eyes, all average for his age.

He owned two vehicles, a station wagon and a Ford pickup truck, and had been married to the same woman for 22 years. He had five children, three boys and two girls, average for 1969. He lived with his family and one dog in an average two-story clapboard house painted white with blue shutters at the north end of Flamingo Street.

If Blinks Mooney walked past you on the sidewalk, nothing about him would be remarkable. In a word, he was average.

Except for the fact that in mid-June 1969, Blinks Mooney, owner of the only convenience store in Easton, took delivery of a brand new Mister Slurps Slurpy machine!

A Mister Slurps Slurpy came in two different flavors, cherry and grape, but for me Mr. Mooney always mixed the two: cherry on the bottom and grape on top.

It took 25 minutes of hard bike riding to reach Mooney’s store. The north end of Flamingo Street ran into Scenic Terrace, which was a street with monster hills and steep declines. The monster hills ate up any kid’s legs that were foolish enough to try to climb them, and the steep declines destroyed bikes when they got going too fast and careened out of control, which they always did thanks to a certain bully throwing sticks out at them.

Blinks Mooney’s convenience store and the new Mister Slurps Slurpy machine were at the far end of Scenic Terrace. For a convenience store, it sure wasn’t very convenient for a bunch of 10-year-olds on bikes.

But walk down to the dirt part of old Flamingo Street, cut through the woods, jump over Cripple Creek, cut up behind Candi’s house, go past Mt. Olive Elementary school and the new Mister Slurps Slurpy machine with two different flavors was only a short 10-minute hike away.

Very convenient for us kids, except that in the only house on the dirt part of old Flamingo Street resided a certain bully: Down the Street Bully Brad.

When Mister Slurps Slurpies came to town, we did just about anything for extra money to buy one. We would mow grass, do extra chores around the house, and even clean up our rooms the first time Mom told us to.

Once a week we made enough money, and we’d take that dangerous short-cut down the dirt part of old Flamingo Street right past Bully Brad’s house. Once a week we risked our lives for a Mister Slurps Slurpy, preferably one that had cherry on the bottom and grape on the top.

Cutting the grass and cleaning our rooms paid okay, but the big moneymaker was raking leaves during the fall. It seemed like every fall the entire neighborhood called my three brothers and me to rake their yards. (Rake: a non-motorized leaf blower driven by boy power.)

The four of us could rake most any yard in half a day, which always included two or three games that ended up with us diving into a huge pile of newly piled up leaves.

Every Saturday during the fall we walked away with enough money to get a cheeseburger, French fries and a Mister Slurps Slurpy!

Yep, raking leaves sure was a moneymaker - that is, till Bully Brad figured out what we were doing.

Brad waited till we finished, and when we went inside to get paid, he kicked the piles all over the yard. When we came out, we had to rake the entire yard again, with Brad laughing from across the street. This went on all fall, but by the end of leaf season, we finally got him back.

We found out it took three of us to hold down one bully while the other dumped a giant Mister Slurps Slurpy down his pants. I think it was grape.

I told the Wife the other day that I could retire in just nine more years. She said that was good, then I’d have plenty of time to rake the leaves.

I told her that I was already thinking of something else to keep me busy in my retirement years: I’m going into business for myself. I just happen to know where a good, used Mister Slurps Slurpy machine is, and the hardest business decision I‘d have to make would be whether I wanted a cherry Mister Slurps Slurpy or grape.

On second thought, I’ll probably stick with cherry on the bottom and grape on the top. No sense messing with a good thing.