Unhappy is as unhappy does . . .

A couple of friends and I were having lunch in St. Louis, alternating between gazing out the window toward the historic arch at the river’s edge and talking about recent rude encounters we had each experienced.

Finally, we concluded that the root of all rudeness is unhappiness.

And, Ed added, most people are unhappy.

Since I am unabashedly an optimist, I hated to even consider the possibility that the majority of all people are unhappy.

“Oh, no!” I protested. “You don’t really think that more people are unhappy than are happy, do you?”

Michael agreed with Ed. “Sure, they are. All that unhappiness is why folks are so unkind to others.”

For days, I thought of that conversation, turning it over and over in my mind. It’s true that unhappiness – even if it’s only momentary disgruntlement – causes subtle unkindness or downright rudeness. No doubt about that. It’s saddening, though, to think that so many folks might be locked in constant unhappiness. It made me think of a story that a Southern woman, living in Manhattan for many years now, shared with me a while back.

Shaye has had a storied career that began in South Carolina when she worked as an assistant for James Dickey, the renowned poet and author of “Deliverance.” She is the editor who discovered and long believed in a lovely book called “Forrest Gump.” For seven years, she used her Southern stubbornness and persevered through repeated studio rejections until, finally, the movie rights for that book sold. The rest is cinematic history.

Between her employment with Dickey and a successful tenure with a large New York publishing company, she found herself working with a legendary woman who became her beloved mentor.

Jackie Kennedy Onassis loved books. So, when she sought a career that would keep her busy and simultaneously make her useful to society, the world’s most famous woman went to work at Doubleday as an editor. Despite her enormous wealth, Jackie worked for the same salary as most underpaid editors. At the time, it was less than $35,000 a year.

One day over lunch at Grand Central Station, Shaye was sharing stories of this remarkable woman and the many strong lessons Jackie passed along. There were many but one in particular has stuck with me. I think of it often.

“Most of the world’s problems are caused by unhappy people,” Jackie would say. That’s an astute observation but what I have pondered the most was her following admonishment, “So you owe it to yourself and everyone else to be happy.”

Powerful, isn’t it? Wallowing in unhappiness and self-pity should be one’s priority but it isn’t that simple. A mood or state of mind has a rippling effect that affects, in essence, millions. Yelling at a customer service representative will probably cause her to snarl at someone else who, in turn, will snap at another. It’s an on-going, unpleasant cycle.

On the other hand, a good word or deed will do the same. One day a friend was driving behind me when we came to a toll booth.

“I’m paying for the car behind me,” I said to the attendant. His eyes widened then he beamed beatifically. He winked happily.

“Yes ma’am! And I hope you have a good day because you sure deserve to!”

That tiny gesture passed goodwill along and make a difference in his day. His response made a difference in mine. I felt better about myself.

I think that Jackie Onassis was right. Happiness should be our compass while traveling through life. Choose it then use it.

Please.