No moles in this yard

Standing in a grocery store line, I smiled at the woman who looked up briefly as she placed her items on the conveyor belt.

Instinctively, she smiled back, glanced down then back up and did a double take. “You look like,” she began then stopped. “Or.” She tilted her head with uncertainty. “Are you?”

As it turned out I was.

“I never dreamed I’d see you here,” referring to the fact that I was in a town where I do not live but am fortunate enough to have this column appear in its local newspaper.

Within 30 seconds, we were chatting like old friends so she showed me the package of chewing gum she was buying.

“I have moles in my yard.” She shook her head. “I asked my landscaper what to do. I hate to do this but...” Her voice trailed off. Then, remembering that we were old friends and she knows me well, she brightened up. “The first thing he told me to do was to get a dachshund.” She winked. “One like Dixie Dew. Does she keep the moles away?”

Boy, does she. As I write this, she’s on mole patrol now. In the backyard, she has dug a hole bigger than she is as well as a shallow tunnel across the yard. Once she detects a mole, there is no distracting her. She will sit under a bush for hours at a time with her big butt sticking out, staking her prey.

Even the promise of food will not lure her away from her mission. She stays until she prevails and is victorious.

One day when I was out of town, Mama called me on my cell phone. “Dixie Dew got a mole!” she said in a gloriously jubilant voice.

“That prissy little thing got dirty?” I asked, more than a little incredulous.

“She sure did. It took her hours but she kept her nose in the dirt until she got it. Then she brought it to me, laid it at my feet and looked up at me with all the pride in the world.” Mama laughed. “I bragged on her so that made her feel real good, too. You should have seen how happy she was because her Maw-maw was bragging on her.”

We should all be like Dixie Dew. We should all stick to something until we prevail, no matter how tough it is or how long it takes. We should all be like her, too, and accomplish the great feat of having Mama brag on us.

Still, there are times when such diligence isn’t to be bragged on. This would be one of those occasions since my real estate agent is holding an open house tomorrow for prospective buyers. The yard looks like the military has been here to dig a foxhole.

But, you know, come to think about it, this could be a strong selling point. After all, I can guarantee that the yard is free of moles. I can even offer a money-back guarantee on that one. No chewing gum needed in this yard.

Yep, come to think about it, I need to go out there right now and brag on Dixie Dew Rich.

And to the nice lady in the grocery store: If you’re still looking for a mole-free yard, I have one for sale.