In many ways, adults are like big kids. I'm not suggesting that adults are childish, but that in many ways we never fully escape some of the same difficulties we experienced as children. Here are six things that I think we have in common with children.

Words hurt us. Almost all of our parents taught us the old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" and we tell it to our children, but the truth is words do hurt. How many difficulties at work, church, in your neighborhood, or even in your family come down to words someone used that hurt you? It is one of the most common forms of conflict. We know we have to learn to get over hurtful words, but that is easier said than done.

Sharing is hard. Whether it is sharing your tools, sharing your money, or giving of your time, sharing is tough. We feel like we earn our money, time, and possessions and when it comes to letting go — risking losing those things — we don't like it. There isn't much difference between a child who won't share his Tonka truck in a sandbox and an adult who won't give $50 to a charity. You don't have to share, but life certainly is a lot more pleasant for both the giver and the receiver when we do.

Thinking beyond oneself takes lots of energy. Have your ever known anyone who never started a sentence with any word other than "I"? Everything he or she said reflected an egocentric perspective. While most of us aren't that self-centered, we can be something like that. It is easy to get wrapped up in our own children, work, projects, and hobbies and forget that there are lots of other people out there with lives, hopes, and dreams. Part of our community existence is learning to look beyond ourselves and invest in the lives of others.

It is hard not to focus only on short-term pleasures. Everyone knows if you give a kid a choice between an immediate pleasure and a postponed pleasure, he/she will always take the immediate pleasure first. Adults are scarcely any different. How many TV ads encourage you not to wait for that new car, new sofa, or vacation? Don't save, don't plan, and definitely don't wait is the message we get every day. It must be working because in 2004 the average household in the U.S. had a credit card debt of over $8,000. Think about that next time you tell your child not to be in such a rush to spend every dime he got for his birthday.

It is hard to be bigger than the other guy. It isn't easy not to let yourself be pulled down to the lowest common denominator in behavior. Adults, like children, feel the need to get in the last word and to seek revenge in the guise of "justice." We often feign interest in "news" about other people when deep down we are merely interested in an opportunity to gossip and to get the dirt on somebody else. Rising above our insatiable curiosity is sometimes hard to do.

It is hard to go against the flow, to be different, and not to be inappropriately driven to seek the approval of others. We tell our kids to be themselves, but I suggest we don't practice this very well in adulthood. All of us like to be liked and we go to great lengths to dress right, have the right car, live in the right neighborhood, and send our kids to the right schools. Part of our motivation is to be seen as "good enough." It is hard to let that go and not to worry about what others think.

When you get impatient with your children for things like these, remember how much we are like them. We might display it differently, but the same issues are at the root of our own behavior. Maybe knowing this will make it easier to teach your children better ways to cope and at the same time learn better ways to cope yourself.

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