Who’s this “we,” Kemo Sabe?

Last week The Boy closed on his first house. He’s all moved in and enjoying home ownership somewhere amongst all the boxes. As he surfaces for air, reality has finally set in. A few must-have things didn’t come with his house. So he does what anyone in his situation would do. He made a phone call. “Dad, we have a problem. What are we going to do about a washer and dryer?”

To quote Tonto from the Lone Ranger, “Who’s this WE, Kemo Sabe? We have owned a washer and dryer for the last 30 years. I believe it’s you that has a problem. And I have the perfect solution.”

The Boy listened attentively to what came next. He thought the perfect solution was obvious. We, The Wife and I, would be forking over money for his new washer and dryer. Boy, was The Boy wrong! Instead of money, he got the following story and an invaluable life lesson.

Growing up, Preston Weston lived over on The Duke of Gloucester. The Duke, as we who lived on Flamingo Street called it, was where all the rich families lived. And Preston’s family was one of the richest. Rumor was that his dad either invented Silly Putty or was a spy. Never really did find out which. Either way, whatever Preston wanted, Preston got.

Preston was the first on The Duke and Flamingo to have a three-speed bike and the first kid to fly in an airplane. I think it was his dad’s spy plane. Preston never said it was, which meant that there was a good chance it was a spy plane, or it was made of Silly Putty. Looking back, I know now that it was ridiculous to think so. Preston’s dad could never be a spy.

In the ninth grade, Preston tried out for the Buccaneers. He was the only ninth grader ever to start at quarterback. Coach Reeves played him every game, and he set all kinds of school records. At the end of the season, the Buccaneers got new pads, game jerseys and a new locker room.

Anything Preston needed while attending Briarwood was provided. If he fell behind in his studies, private tutors were at his house the next day. When Preston tried out for the basketball team, his dad bought him $50 shoes.

Now, who in their right mind would buy their kid a pair of $50 basketball shoes? Preston wore them once and decided he didn’t want to play basketball. He ran track instead.

Preston was also the only student at Briarwood that was on the varsity track team for five straight years. He was the high jumper. High jumpers have special shoes that make them jump higher and Preston’s dad bought one. He would have bought two, but Preston only jumped off the right foot. The man was smart; he invented Silly Putty.

At the end of the story, The Boy said, “So whatever Preston wanted all he had to do was ask his parents and they gave it to him. Sounds like a good idea. I bet if he asked for a washer and dryer they would have bought them for him.”

“Probably so, but he wouldn’t have appreciated all the hard work it took to earn the money to buy them.” I gave him direction to the nearest all-night laundromat.

The Boy mumbled under his breath as he emptied his change jar, “Thanks, Dad, for the invaluable life lesson.” At least I think that’s what he said.