Scenes from the government’s money printers

Tue, 02/03/2009 - 4:07pm
By: Letters to the ...

This is a page from the life of Joe the caller. My attempt at humor. This little satire might be funny if what’s going on in Obamadad wasn’t so pathetic — and expensive.


“Printing plant? This is Joe. I’m the Chief Coordinator of the Budget Communication and Diversified Special Redistributions for Challenged Individuals and Entities office.”

“Never heard of it.”

“You will.”

“Mr. Obama wants $250 billion. It’s to save the nation, again.”

“You got a work order for that?”

“Didn’t think we needed one if the work is being done in-house.”

“Well, make sure you have one next time. We’ll get right on to the request,” the voice assured. “What denominations do you want it in?”

“They said in small bills. In thousands, I guess. How many truckloads would that be?”

“I don’t know. This is the printing plant, not the motor pool.”


“Printing plant? Joe again. The MAN wants $150 billion more, yesterday.”

“We’ll work on it retroactively.”

“Does that mean fast?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“I knew I could count on you.”


“Printing plant? This is ...”

“Yeah, Joe. Whatcha need?”

“The Prez says up the amount of the previous order, whatever that was and increase the amount to $750 billion. What the heck, just round it to a trillion and I won’t have to call you back for a couple days, or until the MAN says more.”


“Printing plant? Joe here. The Prez is ballistic. The Chinese are on our case demanding payment, the money-grubbers and free-loaders are demanding their bailouts, and the CEOs can’t give out their quarterly and exit bonuses. It’s total chaos here.”

“Look ... Joe, ain’t it? Let me tell you about chaos. We’re short on paper, have run out of ink, some of the presses have overheated and are down, and several pressmen are out marching in some kind of demonstration. If what’s his name can’t wait, then suggest he send out IOUs until we’re up and running again.”

“So you’ll have the job done by Wednesday?”

(Loud noise as phone short-circuits).

Meanwhile, Congress is in session voting to conjure up some more bailout packages. They have categorized the bailouts by amounts involved: i.e., small, medium, large, and extra large.

But there is a heated debate going on over the use of those categories which are so “yesterday.”

Some think the designations should be changed to something more in keeping with the times. And Barney Frank suggested that bailouts be color-coded to give them a more ... personal look. A task force has been formed to study the issue.

The life of a public servant is never an easy one.

J.C. Lovett

Fayetteville, Ga.

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