One of the most frustrating problems I have to deal with in my practice involves problems with children at school. Problems can be behavioral such as fighting with other students, insubordinate behavior with adults, and refusal to comply with classroom and school rules. Problems more often involve forgetfulness, such as failure to turn in homework even when it is completed, repeatedly making silly mistakes that cost points toward one's grade, and apathy.

These difficulties are frustrating for several reasons. First of all, it is easy for a parent to feel powerless when problems at school are not quickly resolved. Yet there is little that the parent can do when the child is at school. I can't even recall how many times parents have told me a teacher told them they needed to do something about their child's behavior in class, but what can the parent do while the child is at school? It is the teacher's job to maintain control in the classroom. If the teacher can't control the child's behavior when he/she is present, what in the world could the parent do from home?

School issues are also frustrating because the consequences of chronic problems can be serious. A child can quickly find him or herself so far behind that repeating the grade may be required. Also, if the problems are behavioral, changing schools is not likely to fix the problem. Therefore, if the child is suspended from one school, his/her problems will undoubtedly follow to the next. Lastly, and perhaps most important, children who feel like failures already are reinforced in their beliefs when the adults around them can't seem to find a solution that will help them with their dilemmas.

Today I have some suggestions for you if you have a child that is struggling with school issues like these. There are nine things I look for when assessing these problems and it is important to know which thing is the cause before trying to correct it. Here they are: physical problems, unresolved anger, chronic stress, developmental delays, esteem issues, mental illness, learning disorders, and attention deficit disorder, and poor instruction.

Physical problems involve vision, hearing, or other health problems that make it difficult or impossible for the child to attend. These problems obviously require a physician's diagnosis and treatment plan. Anger issues are most common among children who are also struggling with chronic stress — a family disruption, divorce, remarriage of a parent, a new sibling, or a move to a new home or school. Addressing anger issues and/or chronic stress requires counseling intervention.

Developmental delays involve the fact that all children do not develop at the same rate. Not all children are ready for critical transition times in school — kindergarten, third grade, sixth grade, and 9th grade. These children may appear normal in all other ways, but a trained therapist can identify how subtle developmental delays can affect school performance.

Esteem issues affect all of us. Most of us don't feel as good about ourselves as we would like, but this ego-strength issue is especially troubling to pre-adolescents and adolescents. The need to fit in, to feel competent, and to feel worthy is critical. My experience has taught me that esteem issues are common among abused children, but normal children from very good homes are also at risk. There doesn't seem to be a clear cause for these issues. Once again, addressing these issues through counseling can be helpful.

Mental illnesses include reactive attachment disorder, behavioral disorders, and depression. Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses of non-adults. Medication can be helpful as can counseling and behavioral management strategies, depending on the mental illness. Learning disorders and ADHD have gotten a lot of press coverage in recent years, both positive and negative, but the fact is they both have a significant impact on school performance. Behavioral interventions, medication, and counseling are possible interventions with one or both of these disorders as well.

Finally, the problem may not be your child. The problem may be the teacher. There are many excellent teachers out there for every one that is not competent, but there are incompetent teachers in our school systems. I've witnessed teachers who call their students derogatory names, who are impatient, rude, and exhibit a horrible example of how one should conduct oneself. I've also witnessed teachers who are kind and loving people, but who were unfortunately terribly unqualified to be teachers. When this is the case, moving the child to another class, another school or even home-schooling may be the best solution.

The last thing we want is for our children to hate school. A love of learning is a foundational remedy for overcoming bad teachers, inadequate resources, poor learning environments, or even personal life issues. A child who consistently is told he or she is failing will eventually give up. That almost guarantees significant limits for the child's future earning potential, social advancement, and life-satisfaction. If your child has struggled in school for weeks on end, take the initiative to find out why and pursue a solution. These problems today have life-long implications.

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