Invited? Call if you can’t come

I’m going to have to stop throwing parties. I get too upset over people who fail to RSVP.

I get so upset over such inconsideration that I think unholy thoughts and then I have to pray for forgiveness and work through all of that. It’s more trouble than preparing for the party.

And, heaven knows, that’s a lot of trouble with the invitations, food and house cleaning. Why, it takes me a full day just to put up all the stuff that is scattered around and should have been put up in the first place.

Dixie Dew’s recent birthday party caused the latest round of ugly feelings. In the midst of an overcrowded schedule, I threw the annual bash with a Glamour Girl theme.

Dew looked particularly fetching in her hot pink feather boa and she danced around excitedly to show her beauty to everyone. It was a “Regrets Only” party because I think that’s easier. So, when I didn’t hear from folks, I planned for them.

Then, several didn’t show up. It’s simple: If you can’t come, call. If you don’t call, then why invite you again?

This isn’t my problem alone. When I first wrote about RSVPs, a flood of response came in from readers. It was hard to believe all the horror stories. One reader hosted a dinner party for 24, based on the acceptances. Six showed up. What about the expense she went to for all that extra food?

Another wrote that for her daughter’s Sweet 16 party (a cookout and bonfire) they had 20 accept. Sixty showed up. What about the food?

The thing that gets me is that these people would never lie, cheat or steal. They are often church-going folks who are kind-hearted and generous.

Yet, they unthinkingly are discourteous and cause despair to a friend. A friend, who has thought enough of them, to throw the doors of home wide open and say, “Please share hospitality with me.”

After Dew’s party, I was so fraught with disappointment, that I sought reinforcement. I called Miss Virgie.

“Oh, that is the rudest thing!” she railed. “I can’t believe it when people do that. It’s my biggest pet peeve.”

As usual, she made a good point. “People who don’t respond for parties are people who never throw parties so they don’t know how it feels to get in a bind with the food.”

Miss Virgie, my beloved mentor, offered her help. “You just fax me a list with phone numbers of the people who didn’t respond and I’ll call them myself!”

Now, these people who weren’t thoughtful to me, can be thankful that I had already been praying to reconcile my feelings.

I had restored enough goodwill in my heart that I was able to refuse the request. You don’t want Miss Virgie calling you over a breach of etiquette. It would be one of the more unpleasant phone calls of one’s life.

My sister, Louise, is, without question, uncommonly thoughtful. She rarely misses events and if she does, she always RSVPs. I like her philosophy. “There are certain things you do because it’s thoughtful and meaningful to others. Even if you’d rather do something else, sometimes you have to put first the feelings of others, especially friends.”

Louise’s daughter, Nicole, faithfully follows her mama’s teachings.
Meanwhile, there’s someone else I can always count on to show up. As long as she’s invited, Mama, in all her splendor, will be there.
And, most probably, Louise and Nicole will attend, too.

Thank goodness, and courtesy, for that.