Sexy: To be or not to be

Mama doesn’t want anyone to call me sexy.

Not that anyone wants to call me “sexy” but just in case.

“I think it would degrade you,” she declared suddenly. I could tell by her tone that she had put a great deal of thought into the matter. It seems to me that she would have more important things to worry about like how much food she can possibly get Dixie Dew to eat in one day.

I was incredulous. “Degrade me!” I exclaimed, throwing up my hands. I always parrot back her words that I consider ridiculous. “It wouldn’t degrade me. It would upgrade me.”

And, it would. Especially with the kind of men that I like to date — men who are sexy.

Resolutely, she shook her head. “It isn’t very classy.” This from a woman who eats fried chicken livers.

Maybe Mama doesn’t want me encumbered with the lusty label of “sexy” but one thing’s for sure — she certainly wants me to have sex appeal. After all, without it, you aren’t appealing to the opposite sex and Mama definitely has a hankering to have another son-in-law. Especially since she keeps the one she has busy with cutting trees, mowing the yard and moving furniture.

I thought about that conversation for a few days which led me to realize: There are different kinds of sexy and Southern women who represent each category.

Sophisticated Sexy: This kind of sexy wears Gucci, Armani and Valentino designer clothes daily. Considering that a blouse by one of these designers starts in the $2,000 range, this would not be me. Sela Ward of Meridian, Miss. — and a former University of Alabama cheerleader — is definitely in this category.

Trashy Sexy: Miss Daisy Duke of Hazzard County owns this category so much so that those scandalous shorts are named after her. I couldn’t fit into a pair.

Glamorously Sexy: Long tousled hair, dresses slit from there to there. Think Mississippi’s Faith Hill and you’ll get the picture.

Subtly Sexy: Crisp, clean, polished and stylish, represented well by Nashville’s Reese Witherspoon. I wish ...

Overtly Sexy: Sexiness busting at the seams. That would be Tennessee’s Dolly Parton. Maybe ...

Trendy Sexy: Taut midriffs, shimmering tans, tight jeans all tastefully done. Give a bow to Jessica Simpson from Texas but not to me.

Since I don’t fit any of these, I’ve decided to establish my own. This will belong to me so for others to belong, they will have to be like me. I, on the other hand, will not have to be like anyone else. I will just be myself, Princess of My Own Sexy Category.

I call it “Southern Sexy.” This describes women who like lots of hair, lingerie that matches, high heels, earrings as big as current fashion will allow, perfect glossed lips and lots of bright colors. Southern Sexy is not for shrinking violets but rather bold magnolias.

It is also for women whose mamas don’t want others to refer to their daughters as sexy.

Even though those mamas should be reminded that if someone at sometime hadn’t thought they were sexy, there wouldn’t be any — sexy or not sexy — daughters.