It’s hard out there for a cowboy engineer. Please let me explain. It all started in a city named Palm Beachtree City, Georgia. This was a so-called wonderful and affluent place located far, far away in the land of make-believe, in that old Soviet Republic of Georgia. In fact, you’d love to call it home. You might say this here is a sister city of ours. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Once upon a time the city of Palm Beachtree City (rated one of top 10 best places to live in the USSR), had advertised far and wide for a rainwater manager position for most nearly one year. This position was to head-up the newly created rainwater utility for the benefit of us all.

Applying for the position seemed like a natural thing to our ol’ pal, the cowboy engineer.

Palm Beachtree City claimed that they were an Equal Opportunity Employer. The city also advertised in that local newspaper, the “Animal-Planet” Journal and Constitution (a.k.a., the APJC). They clearly said in their ad was that they were looking for a rainwater manager and professional engineer certification required. In the job description for the public post, it called for the individual filling the position to be able to review development plans as a part of the job.

Again, this seemed like a good fit for our friend, the cowboy engineer.

After all, the cowboy had held a professional engineer certification for most nearly two decades and had reviewed plenty of engineering plans over the course of his career.

Unfortunately for our hero, the cowboy engineer did not recognize the UN-fairness of the current city administration. The mayor’s name was Lockjawdon and his close ally was Councilman Mickey Moonie.

It was well noted by the people that the Lockjawdon administration never acted in behalf of the wishes of the people. They were the stooges of the special interests, bought and paid for.

Palm Beachtree City had this controversial City Manager Bonjov McMullhouser, a come-along to get-along HR department, and a questionable (in many areas) city engineer named Wave Bradshawski (the hiring manager).

Do you not know what happened? They did not even give the cowboy engineer an interview. They did, however, interview a guy with only a high school diploma to his credit for this multi-million dollar utility. No contest!

Finally they hired a guy with no professional engineer certification. He’s just a new engineer-in-training with very little directly related experience. He was therefore UN-qualified, UN-certified, and UN-equal-ly hired. In fact, this guy was not even eligible to review development plans.

How do you like that? the cowboy engineer thought. How could this be? Then the cowboy realized he had been dealing with the no-holes-barred Lockjawdon administration, and he understood that he could not catch a break.

Finally, the cowboy engineer thought better of it and decided that he would try to talk some sense into the City Council about the error of their ways. He did so, but they did nothing. So, what you might ask, is the moral of the story?

Like that ol’ Country and Western (Soviet Union) singer/friend of Wayland Jennings, Willie Nelson used to say: “Mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.” Ha, ha.

Don’t fret, my friends; this story is not over yet. Federal/state officials have come down hard and fast on Palm Beachtree City about the UN-certification status of the rainwater manager just last week.

Until properly certified the city can no longer allow the rainwater manager to approve/sign off on plans (a major portion of his job description). Ha, ha.

Lastly, Palm Beachtree City must go back and re-approve all plans improperly signed off on (for all of 2007, up to February 2008) by the rainwater manager. Yeah,boy, and giddy-yup.

This is your ol’ buddy, the cowboy engineer, signing off (no pun intended). Ha, ha.

James Melvin Ewing

Peachtree City, Ga.

[Ewing has served as chair of the Peachtree City Water and Sewer Authority.]

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